justaCRAZYGIRL

2009-01-31T23:51:00.000-08:00

Dead.

Announced dead on 1 feb, sunday.

You can ignore this place for the moment, come back 9 months later.

Anyway, i doubt any person on this earth will come to this place- it's lame, filled with my disgusting camwhores, it's a truckload of bullshits and a barrage of my displeasure.

And i am just some nonexistent crazy girl. I am ordinary, i am nobody.

But perhaps, you probably have heard my signature scream at least once before. But! Do note that NOT ALL screams come from me. I am not the only girl who has a mouth. Though not everybody has that kind of high propensity to scream.

Even though it's the last post, i would still like to rant on. If you know, there is such a thing known as freedom of expression.

Yes, i express myself too much that people tend to mistake my histrionic reactions. For example, when i screamed at a guy because i am irked up by certain things he does, people may think i reacted so 'enthusiastically', take this opportunity to scandalized it, and say i like this so-and-so guy, when in fact, i really dislike him.

I am a mercurial person, as volatile as a chameleon, and more often than not, i change my opinions of someone too quickly. One moment, i would embrace that person, and the next moment, i would wanna slap him/her.

Like for example, in the case of LOBSTER. Initially, i thought lobster was a cute red sea creature, with claws that would not harm people. I thought it was make fun of only because of it's weird shape and ugliness. But now, i know that lobsters are lethal creatures, not to be taken lightly. It has the tendency to hide behind mother-lobster when provoked. And mother-lobster, being 10 times uglier, is nasty and disgusting and utterly repulsive. Beware!

Then one day, I was wondering, since it is so obese, maybe it's shell contains natural oils which can be use as fuel, to generate electricity for humans. Muahahaha, i would be famous for the fantastic discovery of alternative lobster fuel!!! So, i decided to poke it, to test its elasticity, to see if any oil oozed out. Before i know it, it was clawing at me, my hand was excruciatingly painful. It snarled, and lunged at me ferociously. To fend off from it, i tear it off my skin, resulting in it's claw being torn apart from it's body. It immediately went to its mother, and the even bigger,uglier, redder corpulent beast came leaping onto me, using it's venomous claws to disfigure my face.

From then on, i vowed that i am going kill all lobsters, squeeze out their oil, and shred them alive. I must crush them, make them disintegrate into nowhere and make sure all of them vanish from the face of this earth. No horrible creature of such hideousness deserve to be on this earth. They are mere pollutants, only their oils are useful.

I hated them down to the very marrow of bones. Yes, i despise her from the very bottom of my heart. Her unsightly face, her revolting flirtatious acts, that big bulky body, her whole entity is regarded with abhorrence. The initial hatred pulsing in my veins intensified. The vendetta between us could never be resolve. I am riled and livid, malice is taking over my heart. I loath her so much i could do anything to destroy her.

Now, i understand why murderers are born. They are not sinful, or bestial. Lobsters are- the worst of the worst, the lowest of all beast.

Him. I should think of him to subdue my anger.
Which i am constantly doing so.

The image of him appearing like a prince, wearing that mature coat, flashed through my mind countlessly, replaying that scene over and over again.

His face kept popping into my head, i could memerize all his features so clearly...

I never seem to stop thinking about him.
I even dream of him.

And i am waiting. I am waiting for next year. By then, i would be exonerated from a place worst than prison. I would be able to see him again...

Next year- my turning point in life.

....

2009-01-28T06:29:00.000-08:00

My whole entity engulfed in flames of apoplexy, agitation rising to maximum point and i was ready to implode any minute. I gritted my teeth, clenched my jaw, clutched on tightly to my book. I tolerated and endured those antagonizing fleeting moments with LOBSTER, its face alone is enough to cause much discomfort, let alone those snide remarks and tyrannical tone of it. I wanna chop it up, mince it till it turns into a nice lump of mush, and just let it decompose there while disgusting flies hover around it. It is not even worthy of a fly, i bet it stinks, it's pungent smell worst than that of the smelliest shit. It has no friends, even flies would wanna shun away from it. It is revoltingly disgusting and repugnant, i feel so repulsed by the hideousness of it.

She mutha-fcking lobster; the vegetarian[eat shit] who lives on the sole purpose to please her mother lobster.

The mother-lobster thinks her nasty sharp claws will fend adversaries off. She thinks that the puffer-fish is scared of her. Lobster, seeing pufferfish dilate in fury, is smiling wickedly to goldfish. Ooooh, the puffer fish is expanding...beware, for it would be terrible if it really does explode.

Neither does she know that pufferfish's mama, a.k.a, queen of puffpuff, has amazing powers she never dare dream to have. And queen of puffpuff is willing to do anything to protect the young innocent pufferfish. Protective Queen puffpuff is gonna blow up...soon.

Showdown:
Mother-lobster vs queen puffpuff.

We will see...

It's not over...

I'd really like to see lobster's face swell up into one big red bump. I shall plant a bomb on her, may she detonate and disappear forever...

2009-01-24T02:52:00.000-08:00

Restlessness washed over me. A sharp pang of nausea is rising at the back of my throat. Dizziness swirled in my head repeatedly. The moment i lay down on the bed, several inconsequential thoughts came rolling in, and then, unconsciousness overtook.

I have no idea why, but i keep feeling so damn tired nowadays. I slept about 12 hours yesterday, and 2 hours just now, yet, my brain just fills to the brim with fatigue, leaving no room at all for me to register any info from those mugging.

If only a charming prince would give this sleeping

~~beauty~~ ugly a kiss...

Strangely, blogging perks me up.

I dreamed of homecoming day. HAHS, i am weird. But the dream gave me some ideas...

I am gonna invite MR YAO. [and his bride, though perhaps, when i see her, i will just throw a nice punch into her face out of inevitable jealousy. ]

I DON'T CARE, HE MUST COME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Aaarh, the thought of seeing him again is really nice...

What if i can't help it and hug him inadvertently??! In front of his wife?!?!?! Is she gonna slap me???

It's CNY eve tomorrow, it's sunday. Finally! This week passes so agonizingly slow.

Yippeeeeeeeeeeeee!~~~

Tomorrow tomorrow tomorrow!!

I like Yaoyao
I like Rodrod.
I like Wenty.
I like Roberty.

My blog is gonna die, soon.
I am gonna let it die.

2009-01-22T05:39:00.000-08:00

Gathered all twilight/pattinson snapshots for jin to print...

HOHOHOHO...

Can't wait for tomorrow... Gonna cycle with jin once again! WE ARE GONNA CELEBRATE CNY TOGETHER! Who says celebrations can't be among friends?

I've so much to tell her, and i bet she has much to update me too! Life has been a turmoil for me lately. And i really seemed to become an imbecile.

3 more days to sunday... *squeals*

YIPEEEEEEE!!~~

I've got a crush! But, ay, i think i will stop liking him after one week? Besides, I should not like him, cos he is a jerk. Girls should never fall for jerks. Okay, so i am like telling the entire world's population of girls to not fall in love, since about 99% of the guys are idiots.

MR K.CH IS SOOOOOO SUPER MEGA CUTE!!!

Recall: A few weeks back, when some crazy girl saw her banding and the teacher who is gonna teach her, she was utterly mortified, and immediately goes thundering away, ' WHAT THE HECK!! Me dont wanna be in a g**'s class! He is so ew that i am gonna puke. Somebody please rescue me from that repellant and sickening teacher!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARHH..!!~~~~ '

But now...

The mercurial insane girl has decided that...

He is bimbotic, his voice is gentle and nice, he is nice-smelling, he is so humorous, and most of all... HE IS CUTEST TEACHER SHE'VE EVER SEEN.

So, she made up her mind that...

SHE LIKES HIM!!

And goes around exclaiming to disgusted people, ' OMFG! DON'T YOU THINK HE IS CUTE?!?!?! '

Really, i like him a lot. If only he has the face of pattinson. I would pratically jump up halfway during the lesson due my low tolerance for charm, and screamed. { As you see, it's just an involuntary action of eccentric me when i am obsess with somebody. }

Ooops, k.ch is allergic to screams. In any case, if i really cannot control myself and scream into his ears, i am afraid he will explode.

Nono, if he combust, it's such a waste of cute resources on this cuteness-scant-world. He will most probably knit his eyebrows together in this adorable way, and stare at me as if i am born of another species.

Lalalala~~~

Still, mr yao is still rank no.1
Nobody can ever replace him...

[ If my astute judgement fails me, you are entitled to slap me once. ]

2009-01-20T01:26:00.000-08:00

I felt impelled to blog. Frustration is building up in me, my heart pound with irritation, i feel EXTREMELY ANNOYED.

Annoyed by the new damn sitting arrangement. Not only do i have to be separated from my nice buddies, sitting at the corner brings up bad memories, it is damn cold, i can't ask stupid questions as teachers don't notice me anymore, and my full view of the whiteboard is now replaced by severely slanted side view, in which i have to tilt my head and body while writing and looking at the board, making my bones sore.

EWEWEWEWEWEWEWEW.

ew!

Whathef``````````*tuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuut*

I am like acutely exasperated now. It seems to bug me a lot. Not just a lot, BUT A WHOLE DAMN LOT. I feel like if i remain in that sit any longer, i am gonna COMBUST from the suckiness of it. And it's okay if i combust, cos i am just another human being. But i am endangering the lives of those around me, so no, i can't jeapardize their lives like that. For the safety of everyone, please transfer this lunatic-going-insane-soon back to her original seat or she is really gonna COMBUST.

Sigh~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This must be retribution, for a horrible thing i did. BUT BUT, i've learnt from this saga, turn over a new leaf, and promise NEVER EVER to do it again. So, why punish me like that?

I MUST do something about it. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr....

ANGRY!!!

I took 3 tests today. Physics, chinese, emath. Sucksucksucks. I think i seem to become vacuous over the holidays, or maybe it's my obsession with edward cullen that makes me keep thinking of him thereby hindering my focus. SOMETHING IS TERRIBLY WRONG WITH ME.

Physics was a total killer. I take back my words of saying that mr tay's paper would be easy, because it's far from easy. Or perhaps, it's because i just lost all concentration, my mind seem to have a will on its own. It's floating somewhere on cloud 999, trying to find its way to heaven. Nice try skinny brain, but futile effort. T T"

Sigh sigh.

The only bright light shining through in this catastrophic week is SUNDAY!!!!

SUNDAY IS MY SUNNY DAY. ^^

Sunday, the end of this horrendous week.
Sunday, finally getting to see him.
Sunday, eating at the restaurant till my stomach bloats up like a balloon.
Sunday, going chinatown to buy lots and lots of snacks and goodies.

SUNDAY SUNDAY SUNDAY.

I know it's the crime of incest to like him. HAHS. Of course, the real thing won't work out luh. AN INNOCENT GIRL CANNOT FALL FOR SOMEONE WHO CLOSELY RESEMBLES HER IDEAL PARTNER ARH?!?!

I wonder if he changed... He is finally back in singapore, and so lucky to continue to study in the international school. I bet girls there are 10 times choier than the girls here. Maybe... maybe he likes a blondie?

He has a big heart, albeit he bullied me in the past, playfully though. And even though he is affluent[ yes, of course he is rich, if not how could he have afforded the exorbitant school fees?], he is NEVER complacent or smug about it. He always turn off the lights when not in use. Something teens don't do nowadays. And he is very filial. He helped his mother do the laundry. HOW SWEET. Mama told me that, she seemed to be very fond of him as well. She keeps singing praises of him. -.-!

He is like the mini version of mr yao!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Rich, kind-hearted, good looking, filial- the ideal attributes of mr perfect! Isn't it?

yuhyuhyuh.

Only in my dreams...

collage of many wentworths on my wall.

Again, something beyond my reach...

Something i can merely 'paste' in my thoughts. Something that won't really happen.

Because, guys are jerks.

2009-01-18T01:42:00.000-08:00

Bueyz. Irritating long fringe. It's tickling my eyes!

Cry...i cant see!!!

Thanks to my super mama, my world is bright clear and nice again.

A glimmer of anticipation is bubbling in me! Because of...THE FORTHCOMING CHINESE NEW YEAR!!~~~

I can't wait for sunday, i will be going to a restaurant to eat!!! With all the relatives from my father's side. Really, that's like the only thing i look forward to amid the all the tedious test and hard core mugging.

Perhaps, another reason to feel so hopeful is the thought that i will be seeing him on sunday. After god knows how long, 2 years? He must have changed a lot... I wonder if he is taller than me. Maybe not, cos he is not granted with good genes, in terms of height. But he has damn long eyelashes which makes every girl here envious of it. *chuckles*

I'll always feel awkward and self-conscious when he is around. Somehow, he has the uncanny ability to make my heart go spluttering away... Which is so damn unfair.

But the horrid thought of seeing that bitch together with him really irks me. Well, that can't be help, a bitch will remain bitchy. She'd stick close to him, show him the friendliest side of her, and the shy me would be there all alone, not daring to say a word, enduring those flirtatious acts.

I hope things turn out differently this year.

Will you notice me?

Sunday....

2009-01-15T02:41:00.000-08:00

~THE EYE~

I took this facing sunlight, see my brown pupil...

Mr yao, will you teach me physics?

i wish you were here

2009-01-14T05:42:00.000-08:00

I've always been the kind of girl
that hid my face
So afraid to tell the world
what i've got to say
But i have this dream
bright inside of me.

Do you know what it's like
to feel so in the dark
To dream about a life
where you're the shining star
Even though it seems,
like it's too far away.

I feel like a bestial dastardly monster. A cloud of culpability creep over me, leaving a residual uneasiness, choking me. Something, perhaps remorse and malevolence, is pulling at my gut, putting me in a quandary, tearing me apart.

Picture The Hulk. Yes, it explains all.

But today, i did a good deed. I helped an old lady wear her watch. I talked to her so easily, it was comforting and heartwarming.

And, for that moment, i wanted to help lonely old folks, because they are really nice people. See beyond those wrinkles, those frail legs that need an ugly walking stick, those white hair, at the core of the old shell is compassion, genuine care, and the longing for company. Nobody deserve to be lonesome when they are old and leaving this world soon. They should be filled with exuberance, and embrace the last fleeting moments on earth under the love of someone.

Doing good, makes me feel good.
Doing evil, makes me feel like a savage.

I want to be good.

Too late to apologize?

2009-01-09T22:26:00.000-08:00

I've been most unlucky to be embroiled in a farce that arise because mean ball did not wanna let go of the soft toy...

Sorry 401, for causing so much trouble to you guys. Komenei!

Abhorrence inflamed me even more, it makes me wanna do harsher things towards her, to irritate her, to make her flare up. But under the protection of her great mama, she is shielded.

Don't you find it very unfair? If she wants to get at me, she can do so in a forthright manner. Try to slap me directly, or spew profanities into my face. I won't mind, at least, i am aware of it, and it's equitable. Instead, she went cowardly behind, hiding under the leverage of higher authority.

Oh well, dito.

Everything ends here.

She is smiling gleefully at her victory.

...

So am i. I am smiling even more merrily.

Many thanks to those who sided me, aaaaaarh, FREE HUGS TO ALL OF YOU! I think because of her, we've become more united! LUF YOU GUYS!!!

She is a nice piece of rounded transparent glass. Let's just elude her flagrant flirtatious act, eccentric ways and her entire entity.
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RE: wheyyyyyyyyyyyy!!! sobs.

‏

From:	esther - (heavenlysnacks@hotmail.com)
Sent:	10 January 2009 15: 05PM
To:	hujin (hematitecrow@yahoo.com)

   You will never ever believe what happened to me. But still, as expected, esther here is always the weird changeable crazy theatrical girl. And about the words to describe me? Utterly volatile and mercurial. 

THIS WEEK'S HISTRIONIC: ~

Imagine:

2 bitches pulling a soft toy, adamnantly clutch on to it, refusing to let it go... GUESS WHAT? The poor innocent toy TORE APART. It's soul and cute body ripped off, just like that, by 2 unreasonable girls. All the white tiny beads from it's body spilled out, strewn all over the place. It's lifeless body was deflated, torn, dumped into the bin, transported to some dumping ground...poor thing. 

And yes, one of the bitches was me. The other was some pugnacious repulsive mean ball. And she, that clever obnoxious repugnant snotty mean ball, wrote a long long letter to my form teacher, complained to her mother who in turn, complained to the school's discipline master. 

In the end, my form teacher spoke to me individually. And the discipline master dealt with me and 3 other girls. I thought he was gonna cane me or something!!! Much to my surprise, he questioned us, gave ultimatum, and that's it. 

Please go on and laugh at me. All these are true. But this kinda scene seems to appear only the dramas. HA! Welcome to my spectacular melodramatic life. 

What about you?  What's up with you and your big-headed deskmate? 

So anyway, i went to singapore poly yesterday!!!  

And it wreally nice. The people are sooooo affable. THe courses offered are pretty wow, and the school compouund is even more wow. And i went to see all the courses, took their brochers, everything is soooo interesting!!! 

Passion and zeal was bubbling in me all the while, as i squealed, ' I LIKE THIS! I WANT THIS COURSE. ' And when we turned, i spotted some fascinating course again, and i go ' NONONONO, I WANT THIS!!!' In the end, i resigned, ' I WANT EVERYTHING!!!! ' 

It feels as if i can go on studying forever and i wont mind cos the courses are really interesting, and so many appealed to me. Really, i felt like i could find joy if i studied in this place, i could have so much fun, compared to the monotonous, dull, mug-all-day-long JC life. And there is this strong overwhelming desire in me, a surge of rabid fervour rapidly infused me as i trailed around the school. 

Yet, while amidst the reverie, my father's voice and sandar's voice came in, it comes crashing on me, they were saying, ' No!!! You can't go to a poly, you are not suited for one. If your end-point is to be a university graduate, YOU ABSOLUTELY CAN'T GO TO A POLY!!!!!!! ' 

I was crushed. Stuck in a quandary between  my desire, and my future.  

Sigh.  

It seems so far, a long time before i have to make a decision. Yet so near, in the end, i have to pick a choice right? And hopefully, it would be the right one...

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Escapade to singapore poly..~~!!

Yipee~~!!

OMG, our mouths are gonna combust into flames, it's exploding!!!
5 ,4, 3, 2, 1................

HENG ar. No explosion. Because the power of friendship has effectively subdued the fumes!

We took a free picture together!!! If only the whole of panacheposse was there...

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HAHAH!

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***
Juvenile

~ Nine ~

I sat down solemnly. Forlorn, downhearted.

Of course, what happen just now, was part of a dream, it was surreal... How could a normal ordinary girl like me be with a nice gallant prince?

Disappointment and sadness tore through my heart, leaving an empty pathetic hole howling in melancholy.

Amidst grieving over my stupidity and naiveness and the departure of the wonderful prince, i did not realise a tall figure approaching me.

' Hello ezzie. ' A nice warm voice greeted.

I looked up, into that kind and compassionate face. Mr Yuuu smiled amiably.

I quickly responded, ' Oh! Uh, hi! Do teachers come here as well? ' I was surprised to find him here.

' Why not? ' He answered casually, then laughed, ' Are you trying to say that i am too old? '

His words were ironic, totally contradicting the fact that he was the youngest professor ever in history.

' No! It's just...um, weird to see a professor around in an event like this. ' I amended carefully.

He chuckled, ' Ok then, see you around. And have fun! '

After pausing for while, he said, ' By the way, you are very pretty tonight. ' My heart fluttered, i blushed. My cheeks felt steaming hot.

He flashed me a grin, before striding off, disappearing into the crowd. I yearned for his caring company. Sadly, it was something i could only dream about.

Loneliness pervaded me once again. Not wanting to sit there and be portrayed as some pathetic loner, I stood up, wandered aimlessly until i spotted a balcony and walked inside. Light breeze blew into my face, the air was refreshing. I stood in front of the railings and looked down at the sprawling metropolis, the scene was breathtaking. Beautiful lights glowed radiantly in the city, making the large buildings look welcoming. The trees swayed in sync with the wind blissfully. It's as if i'd stepped into some peaceful wonderland...

I closed my eyes, and reveled in the puff of chilling cold air, I felt revitalized. I tried to forget all the folly earlier, my fatuous fantasies. But the thought of Hiroshi and Mr Yuuu walking away from me makes me feel so dejected, despair flooded my soul instantly.

When it was too unbearable for me to even think of it, i opened my eyes. The glowing city beneath me remained bright and pleasant. I smiled. But the smile on my face quickly faded. Someone was standing beside me all along. Instantly, I jolted away in shock, completely stunned.

' Don't be afraid, I'm sorry, i didn't mean to scare you... ' The gentle voice reverberated in the air, followed by the intent gaze of the dazzling blue eyes.

As i continued to stare into those lovely blue eyes, i barely registered the person who stood there.

' Heyhey. Are you drunk? ' He shook me lightly on my bare shoulder. It sent thousands of bolts of electricity pulsing through my veins. I shifted my eyes away to look at his whole face.

Waylon. The ironhead. The pair of inexplicable killer eyes.

I stammered, ' I...I don't know. I don't think so... yet maybe i'm really...'

A gush of wind went past me, my hair flew wildly towards the right, towards Waylon. He closed his eyes and inhaled deeply. I stared at him, puzzled.

A few seconds past, he eyes still tightly shut. And i began speculating the reason for his weird reaction. I asked sheepishly, ' Does my hair stink? '

His eyes flickered open, he turned to look at me, and he murmured, ' No, it smells delicious. '

Still confused, i blurted out, ' Do you want to eat it then? '

He moved very very slowly towards me, his face inched forward, closing up the gap between us. Was he really gonna eat my hair? My eyelids clamped tightly together, i waited nervously for him to chew on my hair, the thought terrified me, i immediately regretted saying those words.

Then, as my heart throbbed rapidly in anxiety, i felt a hand gently ruffling my hair, making those flying strands even more disheveled.

' No, silly, i am not gonna eat them. ' he whispered, his soft voice caressing my ears. I shuddered.

He must have felt it, as he asked, ' Are you cold? '

' Nono. I.. am.. ' I was totally baffled, i wanted to say.

Before i could continue, Waylon grabbed my waist swiftly, held me close, pulling me into a tight embrace. My head rested on his broad shoulder, my hands dangled down limply, i was utterly dumbfounded.

Yet, oddly, i found warmth in his sudden embrace. He was so so so close, so damn close to me. I was bewildered by the ultra close proximity between us. My heart lurched frantically, blood boiled underneath my skin. My legs felt weak, they were trembling, and I collapsed.

....

[ orientation night to be continued. ]

2009-01-06T06:36:00.000-08:00

--- On Tue, 6/1/09, esther - wrote:

From: esther -
Subject: wheyyyyyyyyyyyy!!! sobs.
To: "hujin"
Date: Tuesday, 6 January, 2009, 8:51 AM

SO NICE TO HEAR FROM YOU!!!

I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR U TO WRITE TO ME YOU KNOW...

Yes and yes, i sooooo agree with you that pink, green, orange are/were my fav colour[ it's surprising how you could remeber almost every single thing i say or whatsoever. ] and that SCHOOL REALLY SUCKS.

OMG *#(*&)@(*$*)r(*#@&$(*)$&(

You have no idea how suckish things can get. We need to sit through boring assembly talks, faced those irksome teachers, and i REALLY REALLY REALLY DREAD CHINESE LESSON... so much that it is pulling my gut out, my intestines, my everything and what's left of me is nothing but bones radiating hatred and intense enmity.

And yuh yuh yuh! MY lessons are longer now too!!! The latest lesson are on tuesdays and thursdays whch end at 2.45. Lessons end pretty early on wed and fri, but i have cca on those days, so literally, SCHOOL ENDS LATE EVERYDAY!!!!

School is like my prison! No, prison is still a better place! SCHOOL IS THE BANE OF MY LIFE, I WANNA KILL IT, I WANNA ABOLISH THESE CRAPPY EDUCATION SYSTEM!!!

I just met my english teacher today. We were banded into classes. Which means i am not gonna have english classes with my whole lovable enthusiastic bunch of buddies, but with some other nerds!!! And i was so horrified with the fact that the teacehr who is gonna teach me for the rest of this year is SUCH A GAY!!! Guess what? He wears those kind of super pointy shoes woman wears, points the pen and us whenever he talks in the sissy manner, frowns so disgustingly[ went's frown is so much nicer] and perpetually blinks and us like he is trying to allure us!!!

Man, i have to wake up so early every morning, to abandon my sweet dreams when it's so nice to cuddle in bed. I barely have enough time to sleep! I sleep only like the most 7 hours per day now.

Still, your email brightens my day...

Oh yuh! Thanks for printing those pictures lei!! I paste them on my wall, in my file, on my notebooks... BUT!!! The thing is, me, the girl who frantically screams 'wentworth' into your ears 24/7, excitedly smack you when she mention him, the girl so obsessed with him, now no longer likes wentworth!!! SHE LIKES EDWARD CULLEN/ ROBERT PATTINSON.

Ask me why in your next email, and i would gladly scream out all the calibre he possessed in the next email i write to you. Cos now i have other more important stuff than obsessing over caucasians. So, you don't have to print any more of went's pictures!!!

ROBERTY~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~!!!!

From: J Hu (hematitecrow@yahoo.com)

Sent: 06 January 2009 21: 22PM

To: esther - (heavenlysnacks@hotmail.com)

Oh...kay...
So when i was reading your email, my face was like:
smile smile smile, lOl, harharhar!!!, OMG-ME-TOO, smile smile smile, and then......

OMGWTF!?!??!?!

Goodness me.............. and Hujin was all like, "Ohkay. I'm gonna get bashed up by her 'cuz i have been delaying that simple print-the-went-face task for god knows how many donkey years already, so my very workable plan of delivering freshly baked papers (LOL) straight to esther's doorstep will solve all the mess etc. etc.. etc." and then before i know it,

BASH.

Quote: " me, the girl who frantically screams 'wentworth' into your ears 24/7, excitedly smack you when she mention him, the girl so obsessed with him, now no longer likes wentworth!!! "

Oh.My.Gawd.

Did that sentence just punch me right smack in the middle of my face!? So not only is my 'very workable plan' in this case not feasible anymore,but i am once again reminded of esther's very much forgotten trait - yet another time. You're... i just can't find the right word. Not even the thickest oxford dictionary, not the smartest english lecturer's mighty brain can come up with a right word to describe our very chameleon-like, changeable, unpredictable, whimsical (and should i say inconsistant?!)friend here.

AND I THOUGHT YOU WERE ALL OVER HIM.
Some lasting infactuation huh....
So.... your 'target' changed!? My gawd...
But still, i'm going to deliver your thumbdrive to your doorstep on saturday after school i suppose... So you can um... keep your painstackingly done collage of a million of his beeeeeeeeeautiful face.

*Note how you're supposed to drape a thick layer of sarcasm over your voice when you read this to yourself.

Nevermind....guess Hujin'll just make do with a rather incosistant lover as my dearest best buddy.

Back to my response to your reply.

Are you kidding me?! For real!? An ultra gayish maddish sickish person for your teacher?!?!? Damned... that's... sad. I'm so sorry for you, it must have hurt your eyes these couple of days. Do remember to do some eye exercises if it gets too glaring. I understand all too well just how an unsightly scene you have to stare at for hours just to pass your english exams will do massive damage to your eyes. And not just eyes, it's... all goosebumpy and eek and sick! But on the other hand, it's always nice to have a joke place right infront of you during every english lesson isn't it? Like said, laugh and be happy, roll your eyes, it's great exercise and sacarsm when it get's all too irksome.
XD
And it all comes back to Hujin's load of crappy complaints over and over again. Too bad for your ears, and for the sake of my sanity, just bear with me for a tweeny short while - i just need to get these load of rubbish off my heart. Do you know what kind of great news i get for my new(and unfortunately closer to doomsday, *literally) year... I have extended lessons EVERY FCKING DAY. So apparently, it goes like this, our recess, which usually consists of: 10 minutes released late because of the particular teacher's unwilliness to let us off, 5 minutes weaving through the hordes of people just to get to the canteen, another dreaded 15 minutes waiting for the queues that usually take eternity, and the last 10 or so minutes sipping whatever soup you bought, before making you way back to class again, IS NOW CUT SHORT BY 15 MINUTES SO THAT WE HAVE MORE TIME FOR LESSONS. Fantastic huh. And that's not all. Somehow, the teachers have decided that sec 4s are superhumans and should start to take on the responsibility of continuing their already tiresome day all the way till 3.30pm every single day, be it CCA days for some, or feel-like-sleeping days for others.

Today, was extraordinarily horrible. HORRIBLE~~~!
So straight after the extended lessons, i went for CCA, and received disgusting tongue lashing from the cca coach again.
What "中胡, (Apparently refering to me and my group of 5 or so people. You see, somehow i landed up the Zhonghu leader and besides another sec4, all the rests are either sec 2s, sec 1s, or retards) 你们太差了！！太烂了！！！像傻子一样！！！ BANG!!! (SLAMS TABLE, KICKS CHAIR, THROWS CONDUCTING STICK) 就你们这种烂音乐还想拿金牌？！？太笨了！！！没有脑子呢？!?! 真受不了你们！！！！！（）@×）！×！！@T*!&#^@&#!)(@"

Like that. No it was worse than that. And he said the next week he was going to ask people to go in front of the whole load of people and play the entire piece individually, and according to him, with much dynamic, movement and feeling.

Don't be lame, the only feeling i would ever feel is just pure horror.

But at least none of us takes him too seriously anymore. LOLs. Our number one lesson learnt after months and months of tongue lashing and demoralising lectures we get from him is to never take him too seriously anymore. Really, nobody wants to get depression and end up having our faces in the straits times front page, dead and all ready to be burnt.

I'm having maths tests this week, and then the following week, Amaths and Biology and Chemistry and Speech and E.lit and Physics tests.

Look at my face
=.=|||
Are the teachers that lame?! Seriously.

And then... ROBERT PATTINSON?! Gosh... he and his ... face. Trust me, it'll pass. It'll DEFINITELY pass, your this, um, new love with your dear 'roberty!?'.

Okay... so that's all.

Byes :D

2009-01-03T22:20:00.000-08:00

ME, THE MERCURIAL SILLY IDIOTIC GUY-FANATIC GIRL, OFFICIALLY ANNOUNCED THAT SHE LIKES EDWARD CULLEN/ROBERT PATTINSON MORE THAN WENTWORTH MILLER.

Oh, so me has broke the promise.

Recall: A few months back, me was exclaiming proudly, ' I like wentworth so much! There is no other guy more shuai than him!!! AAAARH... '

Now: Edward is young and nice and charming and has this peculiar bird-nest hair. And went has no hair!!! [As in there's hair on his head, but you don't really call those small little things hair, more like fur?] And he is so old, he has a humongous belly now, he has wrinkles, he has DOUBLE CHIN!!!

Edward is so much better hor?

Okayokay, i am such a duplicitous mean bitch who likes someone, and then change target in the blink of an eye. But seriously, i don't get the thrill when i look at wentworth now. Last time, every time i watch him on prison break or those interviews, i will squeal all by myself in the room, my heart ache with longing. So sad that hujin printed all the wentworth pictures too late- i have lost interest in him and i do not want everything going 'wenty'. It's time for a change. It's time for 'roberty'!

Things i do when i like a certain someone:
- Surf the net, check up on him.
- Look at his pictures, save lots and lots of them. [ i have about a hundred of went's photos...]
- Put his picture as my desktop wallpaper. And scream every single time i switch on the comp when his face appear.
- Announce to the whole wide world i like him.
- Shriek his name over and over into my friend's ear.
- Slap my friend excitedly each time i mention him.
- Continue to harass my friend until she totally understands how strongly i feel for him.
- Watch his videos, interviews, and get my hands on anything that contains his perfect face. If i don't see him, it will bug me all the way! Hence, while doing so, my brain is finally rest assured.
- Check if he is attached. [ both went and robert are not!! yippppeeee...]
- Print his photos so i can admire him everyday. See him before i sleep, hoping to dream of him...

I can't believe that the director of twilight is a lady! I thought it was some lousy guy. And from the interview, I can see she is not very experienced, and she seemed to be too demure. No wonder the movie is reserved too... Like for example, during the edward go blink-blink part, it could have been a brighter, bigger, more 'umph!' blink. And the scenes when they are together in the forest, which is so damn romantic, she could have make those longer!!! The movie must have more 'umph!' .

But even so, for a mediocre like this one, i can't help but squeal. If it's the more 'umph' one, I will stand up in front of the crowd in the theater and screamed madly. Perhaps, during those kissing scenes, i will melt in my seat, stick there with my eyes glued to the screen until edward really does step out off the screen to pull me up from this wonderful enchantment...

I like Robert more when he is not in the movie. In the movie, he look so freakish. Like his face was caked with dozens of layers of white powder which make him look so ew, and his lips were too red in the movie, eyebrows too black. HE LOOK GAY IN THE MOVIE!! I saw his live interview just now. Much more natural, with bushy bushy eyebrows and most of it all, HE IS SOOOO DAMN FRIGGIN MANLY!!!

Let me show you the difference...
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Too pale, ew, disgusting edward.

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Nice looking, with rosy cheeks, unkempt bronze hair, and bushy brows!

Hor?

***

Juvenile

~Eight~

We swayed lightly to the music, Hiroshi still smiling away so sweetly. My heart leaped erratically. He is so gentle, I am afraid i was going to melt, right there and then.

I tore my eyes away from that perfect smile. The moment i look ahead, shock caught up with me so quickly- that pair of killer eyes, was staring right at me. My eyes grew wide in stupefaction. He was not smiling, a tinge of wistfulness spread over his face. I don't know if i should be friendly and smile to him, with my head popping out from Hiroshi's back, or act as if i had not seen him. I did neither, my eyes simply gaped so widely, my jaw falling to the lowest. And he walked away, just like that.

' Are you tired? Do you want to rest? ' Hiroshi whispered softly into my ears, sending shudders everywhere in my body. Without realizing, I had stop dancing.

' Um, sorry. No, i am fine. ' I quickly said, not wanting this moment to end so soon.

We continued to dance, the dance floor was getting more and more packed. I looked into those dazzling eyes, cherishing every single second. My thoughts whirled in my head. I still can't believe this was real...

I felt something. I felt something watching me. Then, a thought came up. The puzzling caller... Who is he? Is Hiroshi him? But he did not mention anything... I frantically glanced around, hoping to find an answer. Immediately, my eyes rest upon someone...

He was someone i did not know, or a better way to put it, i'd never have known him in my entire life, because no one could impersonate him, or be remotely similiar to him. He has a certain inexplicable aura that surrounds him. Those dark eyes roamed on me, it was boring a hole through my heart. His intense gaze was very palpable, i could feel it all over in my cells. Who is he?

I stumbled, stepping onto Hiroshi's nicely polished leather shoes. He supported me with his arm. I was beyond stunned.

' I...I...I ' my voice quivered, astonishment overwhelmed me.

' I think you are tired already. Besides, it's getting really crowded here, let's go have some wine. ' Hiroshi responded kindly, he did not even laughed at me for my clumsiness. How gentlemanly...

We walked over to the table that was filled with bottles of expensive wine and many exquisite glasses. He handed me a glass, opened the bottle. Red liquid flowed smoothly into my glass. I've not drink alcohol before, but audacity overtook me, and i gulped down one mouthful of wine. The wine had a bitter taste, like the bitter version of grape juice. As i swallowed, it scorched my throat, then tingled in my stomach. Wow, it was something i have not experienced before... I like the thrilling sensation. So i continued to slurped large amounts of the wine, relishing it.

We drank in silence, watching the other couples dance. All of a sudden, a beautiful lady, with long flowing black hair appeared before us. She was so gorgeous that all the guys around us were gawking at her. She smiled sweetly- it directed to Hiroshi only.

' My my, it's been so long... I missed you so much. ' She strode gracefully forward, and planted a kiss on Hiroshi's cheek. A pang of jealousy tightened in my chest.

' Yeah, i am sorry i've not been able to contact you all these years due to my busy schedule.' He replied, his lips curling upwards. I fumed. I wanted that smile to be mine. MINE only.

She snickered, in a flirtatious tone, ' Of course. How could i expect the gifted capable prince to reply my messages? So now, will the future prospective doctor do me the honour of dancing with me? '

Hiroshi chuckled, ' Alright alright. But first, let me introduce to you. This is Ezzie. ' He stretched his hand towards me. ' Ezzie, this is Bella. '

I tried to be friendly, and plastered on a fake smile. She seemed to do the same.

' Um... do you mind? ' Hiroshi asked politely.

' No no. Of course not. You go ahead. I'll be fine by myself. ' I lied, covetousness overflowed in me.

Bella pulled Hiroshi over to her side, and lead him to the dance floor. Leaving me to stare blankly after them. My hopes shattered. The ideal fairytale diminished...

....

[ Orientation night to be continued. ]

2009-01-02T02:08:00.000-08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY YOYO!!!

Today is yoyo's bday! You are 2 years old le!!! Despite the fact that i hate it very much, i like it a lot too, because once i see that cute furry innocent face, all vendetta is automatically dispelled.

If only it's born on 1st january, then everybody will be celebrating birthday with it! If it's a human, it'd very sad on its birthday, cos it's the first day of school, and it'd have to face all fearsome teachers, boring discipline talks and the chore of waking up early in the morning when the weather is still cold and its so nice to snuggle in bed...

So, it's lucky to be a dog. To eat, sleep, play for all it likes. Thank gawd you are a dog ok? My life is not as good as yours... BUT, there is something you will be envy of me! That is, i am a human, therefore i can eat lots and lots of yummy food! You can nibble the pieces we give you, or else mostly you are just eating dog food or rice. HA! Even so, i'd have a more troubling matter after gobbling down large amounts of food which i am so prone to- OBESITY!!! Aaaarh, so it's still better to be a dog! People won't care if its fat! But humans lei? This is a superficial world... :(

look like Sylvester!

Furry furry pointy ears.

ROASTED PIG position!! [ roasted black dog]

Kiss me.

Muah!~

Oh yuh! Listen to my new song, it's the song Edward played on the piano for Bella. Aaarh, super romantic!! EDWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARD...

Love edward now. Wentworth is forgotten...How can it be? I thought i like wentworth forever...

Abhorrence penetrated me, and it will continue for at least a year. I detest school to the very marrow of my bone. School? More like prison. Teachers shout at us, speak to us like we are some defiled criminals. They dressed in police uniforms, with the sole purpose to intimidate us, make us frighten of them. Do they expect us to respect them when they treat us like animals, only to be domineered around? And what about the draconian rules set here? Totally absurd. The more rules there are, the higher propensity that people are gonna break them, the more punishment they face, the more hatred they feel for the school. Is that what the school wants to achieve? Sadism. The school likes to see students tortured.

Why don't they use their mighty brains to think? Why didn't they reflect, why didn't they ask themselves why students are so unwilling to say the school cheer, sing the school song? Why didn't they ask themselves where the root of the problem is, the cause of all the rebelliousness?

School might have been a better place if teachers talk to us like our friends, if we come here to study like it's our own home, to dress as freely as we want. Of course, there must be a certain degree of decorum, reasonable rules can be set. And, it'd be better if the school stop giving us those useless relentless talks, meant for us to sit there till our legs ache. If school starts later, we'd be bright and energetic during lessons, spontaneity will be flooded in class, instead of dead heads lying all over the tables. CCAs should be optional. We were all coerced to join a cca, to be forced to attend those tiresome fatuous practices. If it was voluntary, students will naturally find joy in it, ain't that right? If there are lesser sessions per week, CCA could almost be something we look forward to, an emancipation from the brain-cracking academics. We should be granted more leeway, if not, what are we? Birds kept in a cage? Fish swimming in a confined tank? Animals in the zoo?

I am trapped, in this horrible place called school, the prison of my life. Unlike Prison Break, there's no way i can break out of it. All i can do now is to wait just one more agonizing year, to liberate myself from incarceration...

2008-12-31T09:39:00.001-08:00

` The would-be Edward Cullens ~

Went with hair!!! Somemore spike up! I told you, he can be edward cullen lor! NOT VERY weird what!

Chace crawford in the golden eyes. Another prospective edward cullen! But he looks pretty disgusting here.

Jack Rathbone- my recent fetish. He is so cute! When i first saw him, i thought he should be edward instead!!!

Robert Pattinson- the real edward. I am beginning to like him more and more...Especially that serious look on his face. Later he replaced wentworth how!?!

***
Juvenile

~Seven~

I hurriedly dress up, then proceed to sit on the chair under Hayley's scrutiny, waiting patiently for her to doll me up. After she finished, i stood up, and looked into the mirror. A white halter neck bubble dress up to knee length was put on. A huge greyish blue obi was tied at the centre of my dress, the ribbon draping freely at the back, giving it a tinge of colour. Adorning on my neck was a silver necklace with a heart-shaped pendant bought at a discounted price. My eyes look husky from all the mascara and dark eye shadow, i like the mystifying effect Hayley created.

' Aw, thank you so much. You are such an expert, i'd have ruined my face if not for you! ' I squealed, at the same time giving her a friendly girlie hug. She was so pretty herself.

' Nah, it's fun doing these things together! ' She replied cheerfully.

We were ready to go, i stepped into the white high heels, and walked unsteadily with it. Arg, why must girls wear high heels seriously??? It's an evil invention, meant to torture our legs, cause us to trip easily and make us walk so clumsily! Why must girls be the only ones to wear? It's not fair, short puny guys should wear them too!

My heart thudded in trepidation. It's my first time going to such a grand orientation night. I grabbed Hayley's hand tightly. Together, we walked down to to grand hall. I was amazed, the hall was so huge and ostentatious. It seemed like those grandiose ballrooms showed only in the movies. Girls with intricate dresses and guys wearing tux could be seen everywhere. Everyone was chatting excitedly with one another, the whole atmosphere was filled with liveliness, all at the same time, glamorous.

' Hey, i am gonna leave you here while i go talk to some of my friends alright? ' Hayley spoke.

' Yeah, of course, you go have fun with your friends kay! Don't worry about me! ' I lied. In fact, i really didn't want her to leave me. A pang of loneliness deepened in the pit of my empty stomach.

' Well... hope your prince charming may appear...soon! ' She exclaimed eagerly, waved, then strode off, leaving me to stand there alone.

' Right...' I muttered under my own breath. I strolled slowly, and glanced around. There were certainly no familiar faces. Desperation welled up in me, i felt so forlorn and lonely. I looked around again, expectantly this time - I was trying to find that mysterious caller. Please appear soon... The desire to see him was almost suffocating me.

Just then, i saw a certain someone. Someone i totally didn't expect to be there. I thought i was dreaming... That charming warm smile... Yes, it was unmistakably him.

' Hey, so great to see you here! ' The jap guy greeted cordially.

I stammered, ' Yeah, me too. You study here too?!?! ' I couldn't hide the incredulity in my voice. How could it be of such coincidence? Maybe he was just here to visit a friend again...

' Yeah, but i am a 3rd year student in the medical faculty. ' He answered, smiling at me amiably.

Medical faculty... Medical faculty!!!! Oh my gawd, he is the future doctor, the person who save lives, the person who'd wear white coats and work in large hospitals... I pictured him that way, he should look quite dashing in a doctor's coat.

' Wow. ' I mused. It was an understatement.

' By the way, my name is Hiroshi, nice to meet you. ' He introduced politely.

I replied, ' I am Ezzie. ' And I grinned at him. I wondered if i was feeling buoyant now that i have found someone to talk to, or simply awestruck by his prestigious status.

' May I...' Hiroshi extended his hand. I was stunned. Oh no, is he asking me to dance with him? No!! I can't!!! I have two left feet, and furthermore with this murderous high heels, I am bound to step on his feet!

' Uh...' I responded tentatively. He gazed deeply into my eyes, and smiled so appealingly, I can't helped but to be captivated by him. So, involuntarily, my hand stretched out to take his. He walked me to the dance floor where there were already about a dozen of couples dancing.

I staggered, Hiroshi caught me by my wrist and gently pull me back into position. His touch leave a tingling feeling on my bare hands, my heart fluttered away wildly.

' Thank you. I can't dance. Urm, you have picked the world's clumsiest dancer here, so you must be regretting now. But it's ok to reject me now, you know... you don't have to... ' I trailed off.

Hiroshi interrupted, ' Now now, will you stop harping on about it, or i will think that i am such a jerk that you don't wanna dance with me! '

He instantaneously took my hand, and swiftly placed another hand on my waist. His touch was soft, his hands were warm. I felt my cheeks burned as he stared intently at me. My heart rate went haywire. We swayed slowly to the music of the piano, as if the whole dance belonged to us, as if no other things in the world mattered. All i could do was gape at that perfect face so close to mine, whose smile just automatically warm my heart. I think i was dreaming... it all seemed like fairytale, and the person holding my hands, was that charming prince...

....

[ orientation night to be continued.]

2008-12-31T07:41:00.000-08:00

HAPPY NEW YEAR.

But i almost wanted to say HAPPY END YEAR...

I love 2008. It's been a great year. I hope it lasts... Felt nostalgic to see it drift off so quickly like an incandescent sparks of flame...

I love my days with 301. I've been spending about half my time with this great class, these nice friendly crappy smart people. It's been so nice with you guys. Laughter fills the class almost all the time, joy spreads so easily, everyone talks to everyone, there was hardly any malice at all in this class. Most of all, it's where i can be truly carefree... LOVE YOU GUYS!!!!

Look forward to laughing with you guys again in 2009, let's piss teachers off together!! Speaking of which, wonder who our new teachers would be... i like our teachers back in 2008!!! They are so nice...

For example...
mr yao[MY FAVOURITE!!!],
mr rodrigues [ aka spiderman ],
mr lim boon ping[ mr nutshell!],
mr chee[ he is pretty funny sometimes]
mr wong [ he's so cool!! more like act cool. bleh. ]
mr gun [ he so macho!!!]
ms lim [ most patient teacher ever in history...]

Note a trend in the teachers i like. ALMOST ALL GUYS!!! Only one female teacher. Male teachers are nicer!!!

And and, i gained a new 'family' this year. PANACHEPOSSE!! I love them all. We so totally rock that we can come up with the most impossible creative ideas, make the world's most boring project into something we all enjoy, we had so much fun together crapping and gossiping and laughing... WAHAHAHA. Nad, i dont care, you gonna endure another one year sitting with me!!! I am gonna talk incessantly into your ears about which ever guy i like, and blahblahs. Pancheposse sit together okay? *HUGS* I love us to the power of avagadro's constant. :)))))

I realized hujin change quite a lot this year... She used detest taking photos, but now, we have so much fun webcamming together! And shopping too! We are CRAPPIEST BEST FRIEND ever can.

Next year would be a challenged for all sec 4s, the foreboding anxiety must have overwhelmed some people already... But fret not man, i believe 401 will pull through this together!!!

So on friday, it's back to the monotonous, daily rigours. To drag myself from my lovely fantasy every morning. WHAT A CHORE!! Suck it.

A brand new year, a great start for everyone. I always like new year, the refreshing invigorating feeling, just floods me with jubilation!!!

~1st PanachePosse anniversary~

WHOOOOOOOO~~!!!

Taken at cheers with mich's phone resting on a loaf of bread. Both me and nad showed our teeth; mich and yl both pinched their mouths and smiled demurely. QUITE CUTE HOR!

PINK!!!~

*shakes hand with dwarf*

*pokes dwarf's nose*

Geee...

Yanlin, you don't think you on the newspaper, you can always DONT SHOW YOUR TEETH when you smile okay!!! Quit giving your signature pursed-lip smile luh, that not nice, SHOW YOUR BRIGHT NICE TEETH!!!

Hello reindeer!!!

Wahhhhh, Steven Gerrard so much taller than me... But why his face smaller than mine ar???

Good night, let me have sweet dreams of any charming person i like... [ The current person is edward... HOHOHO.]

2008-12-29T01:33:00.000-08:00

***
Juvenile

~Six~

A crowd of girls stood before the notice board. They were all giggling, nudging each other, a look of anticipation spread over their faces. Curiosity swept over me, I walked over to take a look at what the fantastic news could be. The notice said: Orientation night is coming on the 23rd of January. This is mandatory for ALL first year students. Seniors are welcome too. Please dress formally on that night, and preferably have a dance partner in mind. I winced, oh no. The girls who squeezed all around me seemed to be exhilarated by the idea. Please no. HELL NO. It's not that i am a prude who doesn't like mass formal parties like this. If i was back in my own country, maybe i would be excited bythe whole prospect. But here, i have no friends, i vaguely know anybody here, what am i gonna do??? Someone, please just pull me out of this thing, and save me... Or maybe i should feign sick on that day, then i wouldn't have to attend it!!

I limped grumpily back to my room. A stab of bitterness shot through my heart, leaving an empty hole there. I was so so scared. Scared that I'd embarrass myself, scared that i would stand there all myself, scared that there will be no one willing to talk to a nerdy weird foreigner like me... Ambivalence come cascading down on me, crushing me till i could hardly breathe. I stared into the space, in a state of confusion. I felt so sullen and miserable. Loneliness emanated from within, my throat tightened uncomfortably, dampness began to form all over my eyes. Tears came pouring out, and i don't even know why.

My phone rang in the cheery tone so different to my mood. It's an unknown caller. I picked up and said in a quavering voice, ' Hello? '

The caller replied, his voice smooth and gentle, ' Hi there. I've heard about the orientation night and would like to ask you to be my dance partner.'

That voice was subtly familiar, i thought i'd known it, but i just couldn't figure it. So i asked, ' Who is this? '

The mysterious caller chuckled, ' Hee...you will know...soon! '

I sniffled. So being eluded and lonely is not enough, someone has to play some dirty prank on me to drown my moods further. Yeah, how great.

Then, the idiot questioned, ' Are you crying? I didn't mean to scare you...'

A prick of sadness errupted in me, i weeped even louder. Soon, i was irrevocably crying, big fresh tears rolled out of my eyes no matter how hard i tried to fight it.

' Hush, what's wrong? Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhh... everything's okay. ' He comforted. I began to doubt his bestial intentions.

I answered, my voice unsteady, ' Nono. I thought you were playing a prank on me. And sorry, maybe i am just pms-ing...'

The caller responded, ' Hell, why would i wanna play a prank on you? You are such a nice girl, I'd never do such a thing on you. You can throw your worries on me for all you like, i wouldn't mind. ' His voice contained a tinge of genuine concern, I relented.

' I am probably just so confused about everything. Thanks anyway. ' I sniffed.

' Okay then, I shall not disturbed you any further. Have a good rest. And give me a call any time you wanna cry out loud. I will always be here for you... See you on orientation night! ' He murmured, his words caring and promising. The line went flat before i could even say goodbye.

Who the heck is it? Do i know him somewhere? Still, he seemed to be a nice person. I was feeling so much better because of those comforting words. The dread that i possessed earlier evaporated, anticipation flooded me instead. I want to know who the mysterious guy is. With all that innuendo coming from him, i can't stop thinking about it!!! When the day comes, i will know...

....

2008-12-28T07:22:00.000-08:00

Let the awesomeness of pictures take you to our escapade...

To PUNGGOL PARK!!!

So peaceful, so calm.

Say hello to jinjin! She is holding on to a very important document that contains wentworth!!

Say cheese!

Love the breeze...

Nice tree

Me meditating in the serene place...

' OOOOH!!! I spot a nice huge rock! Yippppeeee! '

Oh yay, i finally manage to conquer the great big rock! Jin so timid...don't dare to climb up. LOUSY LEI, YOU!

So she settled for the smaller rock instead!

Yippppeeeee!!! I am so tall! Cos i was standing on the humongus rock. =.-"

Jin suddenly has mad cow disease! She is running away like a lunatic!!!

Nice car! You enlarge it, there's a heart-shape design on it! Phew, i manage to capture the pretty car before it zoom off!

Back in my house...after much traveling with our amazing bikes from punggol park to hougang mall to compass point, to my house!!!

*Drags!* Come webcam with me!

Poof, I disappeared, abscond with jin's half face! Sorry hor, i stole your face! Her half face has got the domo expression!

I bought jin her christmas prezzie!!! Looks like a novel, but inside it's actually blank pages!!! It's as thick as a real book! Jin really thought it was a novel at first, her face scrunched up when i handed her the exquisite book, she must be thinking, ' Who will read a book entitled Love & Peace??!!!?? '

BOO!!!!!!~~~~~

She likes her prezzie! And i am glad she likes it! BOTH HAPPY!!~~~~~~

pOKES!

pINCH!

Raaaaaaaaaah!!!

Bleh...!!!

Yippee, i am extremely euphoric, cos JINJIN IS GONNA STAY OVER AND CELEBRATE NEW YEAR WITH ME!!! What else can be better than this? Maybe perhaps instead of her, if the person celebrating with me is wenty... Jin is gonna be sooooo jealous of him! >.~|||

2008-12-27T01:07:00.000-08:00

Christmas with hujin at orchard was fun!!!

Silly things we done:

-Alighted at somerset instead of orchard, thinking it was nearer to takashimaya.

-We walked in the wrong direction back to douby gaut station, realizing it was wrong way, so we turned to walk back, cross the road, and then cross again, and end up in the same damn place!!! SO SILLY OF US!!

-Our feets grew disgusting, repellant, stupid, damn, irritating, itchy, painful BLISTERS, and had to hobble around unglamly. Guess what i did? I flunk my flip flops outa my feet hold it in my hand, and walked barefooted. HA! Stop staring at me luh, idiots. Never see a distraught teenage girl without her shoes before ar?

-We finally reached takashimaya, after trailing and stalking a kind women who told us the way. Proceeded to find the savior: PLASTER!!

-Sat down at the fountain area, and we began the save-our-poor-legs-shoo-away-ugly-blisters-with-plaster operation! Spotted: 2 funny girls sitting in a very awkward position, pasting plasters all over their legs!!! I know we look like rock stars, but dont u know it's rude to stare?!?!

-We got cheeky, and pasted plaster on our necks. YAY, we are like a couple wearing the same jacket, with a matching friendship skull head necklace and a plaster on our necks!!! I saw people wearing couple's tee, they look so cute!!! HOW I WISH THAT DAMNED HUJIN DID NOT BLEACHED HER 'LOVE GIRLFRIEND' TEE!!! If not, we could have wore it out, and win the: ' best dressed best friends contest '.

-While in the department store, i ate our yogurt there, ignoring all decorum. Jin was like, ' Can eat here meh?' Then i growled, ' AIYA, don't care luh!! I eat demurely ok, i dont slurp around like a dog!! ' Furthermore, it's christmas, they cannot possibly invite a policeman to a shopping mall, ask him to dress as santa claus, and arrest me for eating in a departmental store right!!! That would ruined the whole festive season...

-We went to the section with lots of nice notebooks and cutesy stuff, stayed there heaven knows how long. Thankfully, i have my 10 dollar voucher, kept from last year, and it's usable! The things sold there very EXpensive, but very EXquisite too! HAHAS.

-Our plaster keep falling off, so we keep needing to repaste them.

-Then HO, we need to change plasters cos it's not sticky anymore. When we looked into the paper back that contained all our junk, OH OUR GOODNESS, our mighty saviour gone!! Plaster plaster, where are you? There you are, cuddling between some cute soft toys. Your purpose is to save our legs, not act cute to shoppers like those soft toys!!!

-What will your reaction be when you walked through the shelves looking for a nice pres, only to find 2 huge girls, sitting on the floor, meddling at their feet, laughing away like nobody's business?? Omg, it's 2 big teens, not 2 little kiddish girls! You may be thinking, they confirm lesbians! Partly right, yet totally wrong. If you are seeing 2 guys doing what we are doing, they confirm gay, but 2 girls, no luh, girls are usually more touchy and sentimental and emotional. So, NO, WE ARE NOT LESBIANS.

-Finally, chose our items after much fickle, it's PAY UP TIME!!! I offered to buy for jin those items, since i have the voucher, and i have not given her a prezzie, but she refused!!! So i kick her leg real hard, but sadly not hard enough to break it.

-Since i bought more things, the cashier gave me an oversized paperback, while jin received a nice cute one. T T. Not fair, i want a small one too! So i stuffed the purchase items in my bag, waited at the queue, folded the big ugly paper back like it had never been used, turned to the cashier and sheepishly exchanged for the smaller one, before adding, SAVE THE TREES!!! Wah, if i were the cashier i would have fainted. But surprisingly, this cashier must have a steel brain, her reaction was too normal to be normal.

Smile luh, you look so grumpy!!

See that cute furry thing over my ears!! And black furry scarve!

Jin dumped 2 caps over my head!!! You think i have an alien's head so huge that it can fit 2 caps har?!?! Dumbo. Spot the cute snoopy plaster on my neck!!

Your turn to wear the furry ear thingy!! STOP LAUGHING LUH. eeeee, i never captured your entire face. Next time you cover your face again, i shall chop off your hand!! Spot the plaster on her neck too!!

CHOOOOOOO~~~!!! Ronald duck imitation.

YAY, finally captured your nice round face! SOOOOO CUTE...

HOHOHO... jin must have captured this while i was saying that.

Jin is singing away madly...

Up next: PANACHEPOSSE OUTING!!!

And also ESCAPE!!! I really hope xinyuan can make it...

Panache= lively
Posse= group
PanachePosse= lively group!

Oh yay, WE TOTALLY ROCK.

I HAVE PRESSIES FOR EACH ONE OF YOU!!! Hope you guys like it! Yanlin may not like, neh, cos it's something pink. She don't like pink, means she won't like my pres, means she won't like me anymore!!! WAH....!!! x.x"

Oh yuh yuh!! Did my wish came true?

#1: Yay, i reconciled with mommy. Everything's ok ler.
Hujin came my house the other day, and while i was changing, mom asked her if i went to her house that day and cried...[jin told me after we left the house] A surge of warmth and guilt poured through me!! I was so so so stunned... Aw, mommy cares for me. ALL MOTHERS ARE GOOD!

#2: I did not literally dream of my angel, prince and knight. [went, dean, yao] But i figuratively did! As in, i suddenly had an idea on the plot of Juvenile, how the whole story will turn out, it's something quite unexpected and totally NOT realistic, but that's the good thing about writing stories, I can make it up for all i want! But you guys must continue reading to know! I know it's very boring now! >< It's only the very very beginning now. A lot more to go!!! I was pondering damn long how to add mr yao into the story... Like to make him important or peripheral?

#3: I don't know if my friends have had a good time these few days, making use of every last moment they have before school reopens, but i think so! Everybody seemed so busy with their dates!! HOLA, just enjoy yourself and don't worry about anything k?

I LOVE ALL MY FRIENDS!!!

Love hujin especially!

***
Juvenile

~Five~

Everyone waited anxiously in their seats, anticipating the arrival of our professor. I could heard a girl whispering excitedly to her friend beside me, ' He's so young! I can't wait to see how he looked like! ' A flutter of trepidation swirled in my tummy, I can't wait too. It's my first year here, surely i was concerned who my professor was.

The huge door at the auditorium creaked noisily, all heads were turned in that direction. He has a tall frame, his hair jet black and neat, he wore glasses, looks a bit nerdy, but undoubtedly young. I suck in a deep breath. He smiled, the first impression he gave me: smart, kind-hearted, charismatic. An extraordinary prof who looks like he is only less than 10 years older than me! He captivated my heart that instant.

' A very good afternoon to everyone. I see many fresh faces, welcome to the sociology & psychology faculty. Hope everyone slept well last night! ' His deep voice overtook the entire stadium, everybody was glued to him. Damn well i slept, my face flushed hot again as i summon up last night's episode with ironhead.

He flashed us a friendly smile before continuing, ' You can call me Mr Yuuu. Today i am not gonna teach you guys. So to loosen the tension a bit, since it's your first week here, we're gonna play a game!! ' A sudden passion for this subject, for school, for my life, soared towards me, infusing me with an invigorating essence i'd never felt before. Wow, this mr yuuu is really remarkable! He is so influential... What should this be called? Enlightenment at first sight? I like him!

' Get into groups of 4!! Preferably 2 guys 2 ladies. ' Mr yuuu announced. I was at lost for what to do, i didn't know anyone here, let alone search for friends! ' A flurry of activity took place. People were crowding all over me, brushing against me, confusion swirled in my head. Out of the blue, someone stood before me. Please tell me i am dreaming... I felt that pair of killer eyes. Ironhead. Uh, OMFG!!! He is in my lecture class? He is taking this module as well? How could it be!!??

Without realising, someone pushed me over. Before i even know it, I fell over. I hoped my face wasn't flat on the ground, but I think it was, because i felt something hard. Yet soft. Maybe the floor is carpeted, that's why... Pokes pokes. HM!?!?!? I was not lying flat on the ground, I was... HUH??? What is this thingy?? Pokes again. From above i heard a delirious laughter. I looked up, those killer eyes dancing in the emerald pools. Much to my horror, I was in the strong arms of IRONHEAD!! I quickly scrambled away, my cheeks emanating embarrassment. He simply grabbed my hand, pulled me to a corner where a petite girl and funky guy stood.

' I...AM...SO...SO....SOR...RY...I...Um...!!! ' I stuttered, my heart threatened to hammer its way out of my chest. ' Okay, i see that most of the groups are formed. Let's start with the most basic. Introduce yourself! Make friends! ' interrupted Mr Yuuu, followed by a burst of hubbub as people started to chat excitedly with one another.

Ironhead turned towards me, his lips curled into a crooked smile and said, ' Don't worry about it, it's ok. I am Waylon. It was nice meeting you in all those accidents. ' I blushed a deep shade, and smiled at him sheepishly, ' Hi, I am Ezzie.' Then came a low female voice, ' Hey, Haley here. ' Followed by a young male voice, ' I am Victor. '

They seemed to be nice people. I beamed at them. Mr Yuuu announced, ' Now that you guys have know the names, I want all of you to hug one another. Transmit your passion! Fill this room with warmth! ' All of a sudden, Victor came and hugged me with much excitement. He lingered for a very long time before releasing me. Then i squealed at Haley and gave her a friendly hug. Followed by...ironhead, oh no, I meant Waylon. I swallowed the lump that began to form in my throat as he came forward. His arms wrapped around me so gently, like I was very fragile. He carried a very faint masculine scent, I wanted to be his embrace for a little longer, a sense of security overwhelmed me... Why is it so? Maybe I was sensitive to guys? But I didn't feel anything when Victor hugged me.

Waylon quickly let go off me. I gazed up, he looked intently into my eyes, my heart just stopped. Then came Mr Yuuu's deep rich voice, ' Now, let's play a game. The guys must try to 'kidnapped' away the girls from the other groups. And guys, at the same time, must protect your own female team mates. Therefore, guys, you have a huge responsibility in this game! '

Rapidly, the whole auditorium was a mayhem. Guys were grabbing girls, some were very violent. I freaked out, scurried to the side, hoping no one would come and catch me. Charging towards me was a bull like person. Oh no, he's coming to get me! I shrieked, clutched on to anyone and hid behind whoever it is. I didn't realised i was still tugging onto the arm of that person until he gently touched my hand and peeked down at me. I felt blood drained away from my brain. I was clutching on the professor!!! HOW CAN I ASSAULT A PROFESSOR!!! I must be condemned for the rest of my life. Mr Yuuu giggled ' Don't be afraid! You must trust your team mates to find you! Though if you are really scared you can hide behind me for a while! ' He was so friendly. He didn't even admonished me for assailing him! I looked into his black eyes in awe and reverence. He is the kind of professor anyone would hope for, especially girls... So kind, so nice...

' Oh there, I found you! ' Waylon called out. I quickly release Mr Yuuu's hand. Waylon simply strode over to me, grasped my hand and pulled me away. I turned to look back, Mr Yuuu watched me compassionately, then grinned at me. I smiled back, a deep longing pulling at my gut...

P.S: I spent almost 3 hours thinking of the names... i seriously don't know what to name them! I like the name Mr Yuuu!! And i don't know if Ezzie sounds stupid. I wanna scream!!!!

2008-12-23T23:55:00.000-08:00

My my, what a busy week.

Upcoming things on my schedule!

Thursday- CHRISTMAS!!! Gonna celebrate with hujin!
Friday- Go ahma house.
Saturday- Escape theme park with xinyuan, julia and kristin!!!
Sunday- Time to complete my homework. PUKES!

Just written to mr yao... and i was pondering to myself, what's his real name? I've been addressing him as 'mr yao' all this while...then i came up with a super hilarious name, TEDDY!!! MAYBE HIS NAME IS TEDDY, THAT'S WHY HE DON'T REVEAL!!! He looks a bit like teddy bear too! A skinny teddy bear... Okay, deranged mad girl here jabbering rubbish! I guessed i am probably too overjoyed that he wrote back...HAHA.

My 3 wishes:
#1: Reconciliation with mom.
#2: Dreaming of Wentworth, Fujioka and MR YAO!!! Let wentworth be my angel, fujioka my prince, and mr yao my knight! Let me spent my christmas with them... dreaming happily after.
#3 : Hm...all my friends and me to enjoy the last remaining bit of holiday!!

May the angels grant all your wishes!!

***
Juvenile

~Four~

My heart was pounding like a sledge hammer. I must have look really stupid, me staring into those beautiful eyes with my mouth agape. Ironhead guy simply smiled, then proceeded to pick up my strewn items. ' I am so very sorry about today and yesterday... Perhaps there are a couple of needles growing under my foot or bees stuck in my eyes!! ' I said apologetically, mesmerized by that nice head of his, having a super great view of it as he continued to kneel down, picking up my fallen items. Then, he looked up, and giggled, ' Oh, no, it's ok. It's not like you intentionally come barging towards me like a mad cow. ' Oh my god, he really does have a pair of killer eyes. And nice sexy voice.

' Here you go! ' He handed me the things, accidentally brushing his hand over mine. I felt his strong fingers, the touch so imperceptible, yet a tingle of electricity sizzled in my veins. ' Thank you!! ' I cooed, still shaking from the weird feeling i was experiencing.

...

I was walking as fast as i could, my legs threatened to give way. My face felt like it was on fire. Oh, what was that man? The people in this country must have flew here from Planet of Perfection. First, the nice jap guy with stunning smile. Then, the ironhead caucasian with nice eyes. I don't belong here... I feel so...inferior. A nice warm bath to invigorate my senses is just about the best thing i could do now.

Aaaaaarh, how refreshing. I stepped out of the bath, changed into a cute silly panda night dress. DING DONG! The bell rang. With one hand wiping my hair with a towel, i opened the door using the other, not even bothering to look through the peephole first. And i regretted immensely. There goes: The Attack Of the Emerald eyes and Ironhead. Omg? How did he find me here? What is he doing here? Trying to blast at me again with those eyes? Like one time is not enough to leave me feeling like some hyped rabbit.

' Uh, uh, uh? ' I stuttered. He replied, ' You forgot your mobile phone. ' I was still dumbfounded, it seems like i can't stop myself from staring into his eyes. Damnit, killer eyes. Yeah, you have successfully blasted me, now please find another target! Before i know it, those eyes seemed to have listened to my thoughts. They shifted up then slowly downwards. Ironhead gave me top to bottom body scan. I hadn't realised then, but i was still holding the towel in one hand fixed on my head, while the other still holding the doorknob and my mouth was wide open. Picture a mannequin standing at the door with this pose! OMG, how can i be soooo unglam?! Aaaargh!! It's even more embarrassing when i am in a night dress with a silly panda in front, trying to say hello to anyone.

Ironhead laughed, ' That's very cute! ' pointing at the panda. I felt so exposed with him staring at me like that. The air between us suddenly became so hot, i was gonna melt soon...

' Ohoh, uh, gee thanks! I think it's cute too! ' I flashed him this inane smile. ' Your mobile phone. ' he reached out. I was careful this time, careful not to touch his hand and get electrocuted.

' Okay, goodbye then. ' He said, his voice so gentle. Turning around, a pang of weird feeling tightened in my chest. I did not want him to leave so soon... UH?!?! Must be that killer eyes. It has cast a spell on me!!! Surprisingly, obeying my will, i thought i heard ironhead spoke, ' Hey, don't opened your door so easily next time when somebody comes by. Look through the peephole first. I don't want anything to happen to you. ' His tone carried a tinge of protectiveness, i felt so safe and secure...

' Yuh! ' I answered. ' Goodnight.' his lips curled upwards slightly into a miniature smile, and and what's that? Did i just saw a twinkle in his blue eyes? Or is killer eyes playing tricks on me again?

I don't want anything to happen to you. I hugged doggy tightly towards me, the last words he said kept replaying in my mind. And i fell asleep just like that, drowning in those caring words...

....

2008-12-23T00:25:00.000-08:00

Numbness filled my drained heart. My brain does not know what to think anymore. The atmosphere which i live in was permeated with chillness. The hot boiling fury from the earlier heated argument seemed to cool off, a cold-war ensued.

Homeless yesterday, but was warmed up by my friends, during badminton session. After which, i went to hujin's place to seek refuge. I was very welcomed by her mom and harhar[her doggy]. Harhar even gave me a welcome present! That is, by literally peeing on me. Some of the pee even landed on my face! Thank you doggy, for your over-enthusiasm, i know you miss me too much!

Watched miss no good there, ate dinner there too! I didn't feel embarrassed or awkward in her house. In fact, it feels very homely. Guessed it's either i am too thick-skin, or me and jin are best friends for so many years, so i was very at ease in her house. All my worries melted away.

happy happy!

Jin carrying the super heavy mega cute harhar! I tried to carry it but failed to do so, i suspect jin has hidden gold bars in its intestines!!

Thank you jin, for being there for me. I am so touched, i never thought you would care so much about me. I thought you were a self-absorbed ass, thinking only about your own life, that homework precedes everything. But it's still true to an extend. Still, thank you!

Dug up this photo taken at bugis. We bought identical jackets!!

Reminiscing the fun times i had while shopping with you, clinging on to your hand, refusing to let go like a spoilt child.

Twilight people are gonna be soooooooooooo envious at me. My best friend had just lend me the entire set!! *swoons* Oh yay...Thank you jin!!!

I am so proud of it!! On the right of breaking dawn is another Stephanie meyer's book, the host.
*admires the whole set and about to hug it*

BFF... luf!

I WANNA SCREAM MY LUNGS OUT, COS...

OMFG,

MR YAO FINALLY FINALLY WROTE BACK TO ME AFTER CENTURIES!!!!

oh, double yay.

Don't underestimate this nerdy guy here... he has got an einstein brain!! Seriously, if you had seen the profound way he wrote his email, the way he sees things so perceptively, you get so overwhelmed about the fact that you had just contacted a smart genius that it will kinda scare your wits out. Well, i am kinda intimidated by the super-intelligent mr yao, that i feel scared to write to him again. I am afraid that he will think that i am infantile, silly and totally idiotic. He is like a regal amazing intellect, while unlike me, i am a crazy illiterate bimbo who screams just a little too much. Yet, he had never rejected me, he had never laughed at my stupidity. He replied my email with such gracefulness, taking time out to write to me despite his busy schedule. He'd taught me many things in his email, given me lots of wise advice, that i was flooded with reverence for him. And he is such a humble gentleman, I can only look up to him in awe and fantasize having a whiz kid like him as my boyfriend.

The late reply was due to his honeymoon!!! OMFG, it must have been so romantic!!! His wife must have been the luckiest woman on earth luh... See my face turn green like a pea in covetous envy.

He'd be out of NIE in june, and will start teaching during the 2nd semester of 2009!! It's so sad i won't have the privileged to be taught by him!!! Those students taught by him must be so lucky... Especially the girls...i bet every single one of them swoon over him like he is some almighty angel. NOT FAIR, I WANT ALSO!!! *pouts*

I've always thought that such a talent like him is wasted if he becomes a teacher. He is fit enough to teach in some prestigious university as a professor!!! So i questioned him about it. Be totally astounded and amazed with his answer.

" Education is where it begins for all; without good teachers, we will not be able to produce a competitive workforce, so do not belittle the importance of teachers. I chose teaching for that exact reason, to play a part in influencing the future of the nation at the root of it. "

So mature, so knowledgeable. Who won't want him as her husband???

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARH...

MR YAO~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~!!!!

2008-12-21T02:42:00.000-08:00

The sole purpose of switching on the laptop is to post. Post away all my grievances. I did not intend to even touch the comp today.

Let me tell you the whole bizarre saga.

It all started yesterday when my retainer was gone. I had placed it in my cup at the toilet in the morning. At night, when i was about to brush my teeth, much to my surprise, it is gone. We searched high and low, but i was certain it was in the cup. My mom was making quite a fuss over it, though i did not pin any blame on anyone. It's inadvertent, nobody wants it to happen, so lets just say i am running out of luck. If only i hadnt put it inside the cup... if only.

There there, because of my damn bad luck, we have to spend 160 bucks to make a new retainer. 160 FRIGGIN BUCKS which could be spend on better items rather than something that resembles dentures. Yeah, my dad is paying 160 bucks for plastic in the shape of my teeth. Even though it's my dad's money, i still felt unnerved by it. Think about all the things i could buy with 160 bucks? Tees, shorts, movies, yummy food, nice notebooks et cetra...URG! *xin tong*

I wanted to make the metal one this time, as it will be more durable, so i called weiting's house to ask for her dental's no.[her clinic offer metal retainers at only 160 dollars, my clinic charged a whooping 500 dollars!] Her grandma picked up the phone, and said she will only be back on 25th. I cant wait that long, fearing my teeth would shift by the time she returned. So i called my own dental clinic, and learnt that my dentist would be on vacation on tuesday. So it's either i do it today or tomorrow. But the clinic closed at 2.30 pm tomorrow, and there are a lot of patients on the list. So today.

And there goes the stupid saga...

After making my retainer, we gallivant, everything was peaceful and fine, except the occasional bumps from the huge crowd. It was until when i was walking around op, then mom said she is gonna go to the bank and ask me to wait there, i got frustrated waiting and began to wander around. I went to the bank but she's not there, i made 2 complete rounds round the mall, but still did not spot her. Irritation slowly seeped into me, and emblazoned my nerves, so much so that i was muttering to myself amidst walking through the sardine-packed crowd, banging my head foolishly with my hands, trying to knock some sense into me.

Oh gawd, yes, i finally finally saw my target, woman in yellow tee. Due to my frustration, i can't stop my damn voicebox from yelling in quite a harsh tone. It aggravated mom. And she was like, ' What the heck! All you have to do is wait a few minutes for me and you have gone all so pekcek. Do you have any idea how long i have to wait for you while you were dawdling away, slowly looking at your stuff? Wait a few minutes is gonna kill you ar? ' Uh oh, i hit the nerve. With that, i knew i should not say anything more to thwart the squabble before detonation occurs. It seemed to work.

Bought my golden ipanema flipflops, mission accomplished. Time to get home. While walking home, i randomly said that i wanna be yoyo, to have its relax life, to do nothing at all.

Mom shot back, ' Don't you like the life you have now? You have almost everything! Aren't you contented at all? '

I replied, ' Yeah! Of course, i like my life now, it's just an illusion that i want to become a dog. '

Mom argued, ' A dog has a good life depending on its owners. Other owners treat their dogs well too. An owner must have ai xin. And you should not owned a dog in future. '

I retorted slightly, ' Yeah, right. I don't have ai xin. I will never ever own a dog okay? '

When in fact, at the back of mind, i was cursing: Don't you know that i hate dogs because of you? Because how u overprotected yoyo, it makes me despise them, it makes me feel like i am less worthy than a bitch! Damnit, it's all because of you, mom.

*
Background info:
I used to love dogs. I adore them. Whenever i come across a cute picture of a dog in newspaper i would cut it out and keep it. I remembered every sunday, i always take away Classified, turn to Pet's corner, read about those abandon dogs in spca, then cut out their photos, dreaming that i may own them someday. When i pester mom or dad to have a dog, they dismissed me completely, having a dog is barely within the realm of possibility. So now that i really do have a dog, i find it unbelievable, despite having it for almost 2 years already. It just seemed to be a figment of my imagination, my dream, and sometimes i thought, maybe this dog is unreal. It's totally implausible, this mindset was derived from the disapproval of my parents for having a dog when i was young. So, it's ironic that there is a real alive furry black creature in my house which my mom love so dearly and me resenting it so strongly. At times, i was invisible. My mom only has eyes for that oh-so innocent dog. It appeared so cute, so harmless. As if! Every time i tried to carry it, it struggles violently and run away. It only comes when i have food, after its tummy is filled, it runs away again. It doesn't come when i call its name, it is a damn bloody stubborn two-faced bitch. It is always happier to see my friends than me, wagging its tail so enthusiastically at them, hopping wildly to lick their face. [friends who visited should know, like yanlin!] And when it does make a mistake, like stealing food off the table, eating its own shit, or biting tissue of my waste basket, i would tell my mom to hit it as a punishment, or it will never learnt! But she doesn't, because she can't bare to lay a finger on her precious doggy, because she is afraid it would snap, because her doggy is like a gem, yoyo is her diamond, she can't hurt it.

I remember so clearly, the day i ran away from home, the first and only time i had done such a rebellious act- all because of that annoying irksome BITCH. A bitch that had caused much disparity between me and mother, IT is the cause of my distress. I had been victimised, accused, criticised, scolded by my mom, BECAUSE OF A FUCKIN BITCH!?!?! On that day, i threatened my dad, it's either the bitch step out of the house, or me. ' Do you want the bitch or me?' I spat, I had enough of these, i cant live with a bitch around, its like manipulating my mom to scold me, its like controlling my family to go against me, its my bad luck, its my nemesis. I can't live peacefully with such a witch-in-diguise-bitch lurking in my house, hypnotizing my family! Hence, i was compelled to get out of the bitch-disease-infested house, my dad challenged me to get out of the house if i dared, and i really did. I gathered all my money, figured that i would need to have some with me, changed into decent clothes, and sped out of the house. Mom tried to stop me, but i was down the elevator already. Helplessness tightened in my chest, threatening to suffocate me, but i would rather die outside, than in front of the bitch. I ran and ran, boarded a bus to hougang mall, hide in the library, crying pathetically at a corner. I contacted my friend, and she really came for me, lied to her mom that she is going to the mall to search for books. Friend, i really appreciate your help, it meant so much to me at that time, without you i would have really have lose it, gone berserk perhaps? Sadly, that friend was not hujin, it was somebody else i totally didn't expect to come.

...

*

Back to the ridiculous story. At home, the atmosphere that surrounded us permeated with awkwardness. I remained silent, not wanting to drag the situation further into the fury pit. While i was in my room, ruminating over the me-and-dog vendetta, mom suddenly roared, ' YOYO VOMITED ON MY BED!!!' At this point, she seemed to be furious at yoyo. But guess who she admonished instead? ME ME AND ME. Not that bitch who actually did vomit on her bed, BUT ME WHO WAS RUDE TO HER EARLIER, BUT I WAS NOT THE WANT WHO BRANDISH A KNIFE AT YOYO AND FORCE IT TO VOMIT. So, why scold me? IT WAS WITH THE FACT THAT SHE CAN'T GET PAST MY RUDENESS, so she flared up at me! I was completely caught off guard. There she goes, rattling on of my disrespect towards her, that she is my mother, she bought so many things for me, bought so many fruits and carrying it home was no easy feat, and bup bup bup. Yeah, i felt like screaming back at her, i understood all your sacrifices for the family, i felt it, but i just did not show it, now that i am older, and do you know that i help wash the dishes and wipe the crumps on the table left by the lazy brother of mine so that you would not be angry the next morning to find dishes in the basin! I BET A MILLION SHIT THAT YOU DON'T.

Shortly after, she continued to explode, ' With the more things you are having, the more comfortable life you lead, you are getting more and more complacent that you want to be a dog! Don't you know how to feel contented? I can stand this no more, i have tried to controll myself, tolerate you, but one day i will will just explode. The older you grow, the more unbecoming of you. How can you be so rude to me! I am your mother! I don't expect anything from you, all i want is rudimentary respect, you talking to me like i am your mother!'

Firstly, you misinterpret my fantasy of becoming a dog. It was not because i am not contented with my life! For santa claus sake, cant i have fascinations? Can't i have a bit of schizophrenia? God forbid me? I am perfectly contented with my life, i know that i can be deem the luckiest girl on earth, but it would be better if i COULD be a dog. YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND A SINGLE THING, DO YOU? So stop trying to act like super-mama who can read her daughter's somewhat paper-thin soul. All these words, i was inclined to throw back at her, dump them right into her face, but i held back. So i am spilling them here, if not, just anticipate the self-destruction of this crazy girl here.

Next, i am so sorry for my impertinence earlier on, but what exactly do you expect from me? Kneel down in front of you to gain forgiveness? I was already trying to good by not slamming those nasty words at you, i refrained myself doing so, so as put off this conflict, prevent this dispute from escalating. Do you think you are the only one tolerating and crying? Am i not crying now while typing this post?

So conclusion is, EVERYTHING IS MY FAULT. None of that bloody bitch's fault. She is perfect. Some times, i really wonder, why had my mom given birth to me? She should just have kept a dog as her daughter? Or dozens of dogs if she wants to? Well, since i am worth less than a dog, incomparable to one. Why, why do you keep humans, when you love dogs more than humans? You know what? You make me hate yoyo more than ever. I wanna strangle it, throw it out of the house when you not around, and just say that it ran off on its own, like hujin's dog.

A pang of bitterness engulfed me. Or is it jealousy? I concede that i am jealous. But i was reacting to the inequity of this whole situation. Don't i have the right to be angry? Oh yeah, maybe not, because i am less than a dog.

Apoplexy stabbed me repeatedly, leaving me with chagrin and disappointment at my most beloved kin, my mother.

2008-12-19T23:19:00.000-08:00

Fantasy #1: 50 hours per day.
Why must there be 24 hours in a day? It's way too short. Time past as quickly as the spark of an incandescent flame...

24 hours
We spent almost half the time sleeping, say about 10 hours to be sufficient. So we are left with a measly 14 hours. 2 hours on eating and bathing, that leaves us with an even more paltry 12 hours. If there is school, we would be in school for at least 7 hours[ that includes transportation] 5 hours of free time left, which isnt at all counted as 'free time'. At least 3 hours would be spent on wolfing down tall piles of homework, so all we left is 2 HOURS!!!

50 hours
10 hours: sleep. I can sleep like a pig for all i want. Dream of my prince and not worry that momo will wake me up in the middle of my surreal fantasy.
3 hours: eat. I would slowly savor my food without swallowing quickly and jeopardizing myself a choke.
1 hour: bathe. Yes, taking a long nice bath to rejuvenate myself is absolutely vital.
6 hours: watching tv shows. Prison break! Gossip girl! 90210!
5 hours: reading.
2 hours: playing with yoyo.
7 hours: school.
3 hours: homework
3 hours: daydream, blog, talk gibberish to myself, stay still like a statue etc etc.

See, with 50 hours in a day, out life would be so much more fruitful, rather than the passing of each vulnerable day so momentarily, so repetitive, leaving us no room at all for the liberty to do the things we like.

Fantasy #2: I wanna be yoyo.
Sometimes, I think my life is incomparable to that of a dog. My dog lives a better life than me! It can idle for all it want, it is fed constantly, after eating it will snooze comfortable on the sofa for as long as it wants to, it does not have to worry about recession or money matters, it does not have to sit through tiring lessons in school or tolerate boredom because i will always be there to play with it, and it does not have to do irritating homework, there are no problems in its life, no hiccups or conflicts, if it is unhappy it can bark as loudly and try to bark the f word out and nobody will care and most of it all, it does not even have to wipe it's butt after shitting[ my mom will do it]. Wtf? Hopefully if i was the bitch, my owner would be this handsome rich prince that dotes so much on me, and i can forever stare into those beautiful eyes and fall in love with my owner without being scandalous. Every night, he might whisper into my ears, ' Goodnight, princess, you are so cute.' followed by a gente caress on my furry head.
Fantasy #3: I would marry a caucasian with the head of wentworth, the smile of jiasile, and the heart of mr yao...

Perfect! Only, everything is not true. I am so schizophrenic!

Kimono! Fake one luh...it's actually my blanket!

Kimono reminds me of Jia si le!!!

***
Juvenile

~Two~

Exuberance flooded me as i hopped to the toy shop to buy myself a nice cuddly soft toy. It would be nice to have a cute creature beside me every night when dark transcends. Besides, i was feeling so solitary in this alien country, a soft toy would provide much solace to the lonely nights i faced.

Instantaneously, a pink fat dog caught my eyes, i was so drawn to it that i knew it was 'the one'. I reached out to it, anxious to grab it and hug it right away, but it was placed on the highest shelf and i could barely reached. Jump, jump, jump, like a silly rabbit in starvation trying to obtain carrots perched on a tall tree.

As i continued to jump in futile effort, my pink dog disappeared!!! HUH??? Maybe my jumping scares it away... Hanging my head down despondently, i turned around and bump into something soft. To my amazement, it was pink, it was the doggy i wanted!!! I flunk my hands around it, yelling brainlessly, ' Oh doggy, you found your own way down. Such a clever dog!!! '. Without thinking, i hugged it. Hm??? How come the front part feels so soft, and the back part feels so...like a fabric on human skin... Quickly regaining to my senses, i jerked back, only to find a man holding the doggy, smiling at me. Astounded, i stared right into those hazel brown eyes. He is an asian! He looks like a japanese and he has got the most charming smile ever...I was awestruck. Oh? What is a jap doing here? Is this america or japan?

The man shove the toy right into my limp arms. ' Here, is that what you wanted?' His voice so smooth and gentle. ' Yeah! Thank you so very much! ' I squealed. Then, remembering the fact that i had just groped a stranger, i quickly murmured, ' So sorry that i er... hug you...' my face radiated with heat, it felt like someone had just place a burning charcoal on both sides of my cheeks. This is so embarassing!!! I was expecting some annoyed smirk on his face but surprisingly, he gave a brilliant grin that showed his clean white teeth. I shuddered in amazement, then made my way to the cashier, hoping that the guy would forget that awkward moment.

~Three~

I boarded the bus, found myself a seat, then gleefully clung on to doggy like my precious gem. By the edge of my seat, i saw the guy whom i just 'assaulted'. He was again smiling at me, and he planted his ass right beside mine. Wth? Like things aren't awkward enough?

Trying to be friendly, I wave doggy's paw at him. 'So where are you heading to?' he asked earnestly. ' Uh, Z university. ' i answered back. His eyes flickered pensively, ' I am going there too to see a friend! ' Oh, how great. Closing my eyes, i tried to keep my mind straight despite my heart racing with nervousness. Why am i feeling like that? Is it because this guy has too much charm that it just overwhelms me? This is so weird, i am in a weird place with so many beautiful people, so that makes me ugly duckling...

...

' NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!~~~' I clutched on to something thick and muscular, struggling to keep up with breathing. ' What's wrong?' I gaze up only to find a set of concern eyes. ' Mama? ' I whined impulsively. Then, as i shifted my eyes to look at the whole face, i only find the jap guy's dashing face so near to mine, and realised that i was still grasping on his arm. OMG!!! What have i done again this time?!?! ' Oh my god, i am so sorry, i had a bad dream. I dreamt that i became an ugly duckling and then i thought you were my mother...sorry...' I rambled off, trying to explain everything that seemed so ludicrous, my eyes wide with hysteria. He must have thought that i was some weirdo who ran away from the asylum!

Unexpectedly, i felt a hand on my head, ruffling my unkempt hair. ' Nah, don't worry. You are not an ugly duckling. Everything's fine now...' he whispered soothingly. A mixture of warmth wash through me. I felt so secure, so safe.

' Um, we should alight now.' he voice abruptly spoilt the reassurance i felt. ' Ohoh! ' i answered brusquely, and released his arm. This guy should just call the police and file a report to sue me for assault! As if hugging him is not enough of an assault already!

We paced side by side to the university, and parted ways at the lobby. I hurried off to my room, my emotions so jumbled i hardly knew what to think! CRASH!!! I bang into someone. NO WAY! This was the 3rd assault i committed for the day. How could it be of such magical coincidence? The guy with iron-head stood before me, his blue emerald eyes piercing me.

...

2008-12-16T22:44:00.001-08:00

I have 3 dogs at home. Yoyo[ my real dog], mago[ the brown one] and introducing fatty[ the pink one!]

I love them! They keep me company at night...and they are so cute!

Fatty was love at 1st sight. When i saw it in watsons, i immediately want to hug it, cos it's so fat. And, fatty is a male! A male pink dog. So homo...BUT I LIKE!

Fatty is my best friend! Every time i wake up, i find myself staring into it's chubby face. But hey, i don't wanna be as fat as you man! I can donate some fats to ya if u like!

Hamham [my birthday prez from hujin!] likes gynastics!

My precious time so curtailed... I am chasing after something so unattainable.

2008-12-14T00:16:00.000-08:00

I was wondering... I used to be able to write with both hands when i was younger. I can switch hands when one of them ache, how cool, but somehow i must have lost this zany ability. I wish i can still do that, and perhaps i could play badminton with both hands, switching every now and then, to prevent from developing unequal-sized arms. ><

But! There is only one particular instance where i use my left hand- when brushing my teeth!! I should brush more vigorously from now on. To shed of fats on my left arm, at the same time polish my teeth till its white and shiny as marble. ^^

Mr yao has not replied me...maybe he has forgotten me? Or is he trying to elude me? :(

***

Juvenile

~Prologue~

The girl felt so light, she was floating off to nowhere... Unexpectedly, she felt warmth, a tinge of mirth emanated from within her. She was basking in the ray of the idyllic sun, how blissful. Not far away, a magnificent creature captured her attention. He was gorgeous, hardly a human being. An angel? Just then, he gave her a fleeting smile, which took her breath away. His eyes so captivating, he simply stole her heart in less than a minute. The girl was light-headed, she could barely stand still. Swiftly, she began to collapse, and from the corner of her eye, that ethereal angel was gliding gracefully towards her, extending his slender hand, coming to her rescue. But she was falling faster and faster, accelerating downwards like a bullet, her angel seemed further away, unreachable, and then BAM. Nothingness ensued.

~One~

' Aw... OH MY FRIGGIN' GOODNESS, i just died. ' I fumbled in my sheets, gasping for air, unable to fathom what had just happened. ' Then again, if i died, why am i still talking like an idiot to myself and breathing! ' I thought, trying to rationalised everything. I was trying to summon up whatever weird dream i had. Ohoh, oh my god, my angel, he vanished just like that. Damn stupid earth for having gravity, if not i would have been drifting with my perfect angel, riding a carriage to heaven and live happily ever after without having to wake up. Nono, damn Issac Newton for his law of gravity. ' Newton's 1st law: If there is no force acting on a body, if it is moving, it will keep moving at constant speed in a straight line. ' Wow, that totally explains how i fell, directly straight from heaven. There was no force acting on me and yet i fall! Argh, if only newton hadn't invented such stupid laws, damn!

I glanced at the clock, aghast to see that it was already noon. Man, i am going to be late for my very first seminar. Probably i was not accustomed to this foreign country, though i have no regrets now that i achieved my dream of coming here, in America; Chicago Illinois to study at the renown Z university. Oh well, what great start for the day, dreaming of somebody who is totally not in my league. Never in my lifetime will i date anybody, i swear, because all guys are jerks, no matter how good looking they are.

Zoom, i scuttled out of my room, located at the E block of Z hostel, charging as fast as i could to the seminar room at the Psychology and Sociology faculty. I was so nervous that i could hardly think straight! As i ran, my stomach growled unpleasantly, apparently unhappy with me for letting it go empty. Poor tummy, i will fill you up later, with lots of appetizing foreign food here! Just as i was thinking about the yummy food i could find in england, I crashed head on to someone, and that certain someone does seem to have an iron head! ' Aw...wtf??? ' I cursed. ' Oh my god, i am so sorry, are you hurt? ' A gentle voice spoke. I looked up, and saw a hunk that slightly resembles my angel! ' Er, no, but yeah, I'm fine. ' I tried talking back in calm tone, seeing that this hunk was sincere. A surge of adrenaline pulsated through my veins, my heart was pumping blood at 10 galleons per second, i was on the verge of falling apart any minute, just like how it happened in the dream... What is wrong with me man? Newbie-stupidity-nervous disease?

Wait wait. Wait a second. I studied the profile of my so-called assailant. His eyes...oh my god, transparent bluish-green eyes. I look up, saw that he is bald, no wonder he has got the iron head. Despite that, he has very nicely shaped head, so nice that i just wanted to pat it.

No no. I can't. Even though America is a liberal country, people kiss and hug each other so flippantly, nobody goes around stroking other people's head like that! I would probably be the first to do so... So anyway, after i stood there like a complete idiot, trying to rationalised things again, i realised that i was going to be really late. I gave one last appraising look at the guy then rushed off.

...

2008-12-13T02:19:00.000-08:00

I LIKE A NEW PERSON!!!

If you have watched, buliangxiaohua/ missnogood/ campusshrewd, you will know who is JiaSiLe, and how gentlemanly and uber cute he is!!!

OMFG!!! JUST LOOK AT HIM!!

He has got the world's sparkliest eyes, those eyes just seem to emit this glitter through those small slits. He is so insanely cute, that every time when i watch the show, and when he appears looking like some knight in shining armani, i can't help but scream - natural reaction of an animated person so fixated on her knight. When i look into his eyes, man, just let me float into lala land and forever stare into this pair of lovely, stunning eyes.

I just watched that episode i missed online, crazily shrieking all by myself in the room while practically glued to his eyes. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARH... So gallant, like a prince... Excessive charisma overloaded.

Did i mention the way he smiles? SO. FRIGGIN. ADORABLE. His eyes, again, send people madly to implode, because it is too dazzling. And his smile is just extravagantly gorgeous! And And! His eyes will be slightly smaller, gradually forming into this peculiar nice shape... Uh, something like this --> ^^ !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh, and and and, the way he speak, his voice is sooooo sweet... my ears can just emit smoke from his fiendishly sexy voice!

Wah, every time he smile, my brain melts.

AAAAAAAAAAAArh...HE IS SUPER CUTE!!!

He is like a figment of my fantasy. I mean, like in the show, he being so chivalrous, kind-hearted, gentlemanly, rich, handsome- WHAT MORE CAN A GIRL ASK FOR HUH??

Okay, so now i am equitable. I like both an asian and a caucasian. So, i am not so totally obsessed over angmohs afterall! Yay!

Dean Fujioka is my prince.
Wentworth is my angel.
And, I like both!

2008-12-06T00:09:00.000-08:00

TOP 10 HOTTEST CAUCASIANS:~

1] Wentworth miller!!!

Luf him!!! {Rank for Hot 100: 18}
2] Chace crawford

He's soooo cute!!! He and zac looks kinda alike... { Hot 100: 19} I cant believe that he and went's rank are so close!!! I mean in my heart went is no.1, he is no. 2 luh... the hot 100 ranking totally justified that.

3] Jesse maccartney

He's got this boy-boy look! So cute too!

4] Zac efron

He has very distinct blue eyes... but looks a bit gay too! He needs a hair trim! {hot 100: 24}

5] David beckham

He looks like steven gerrad!! {hot 100: 12}

6] Steven gerrard

So decent and gentlemanly!! Go liverpool!

7] Joseph jonas

His hair is way too long!!!

8] Josh harnett

He is very dashing when he was younger...but now, he is very old!

9] Tom cruise

10] Brad pitt

{hot 100: 15}

I was browsing through all the hot 100 guys for 2008. I am quite surprised that none of the top 10 caught my attention. And surprisingly, some really old and ugly angmohs made it to quite a pretty amazing rank! Went and chace should be in the top 10!!! Argh.

Some other guys that you may be interested in:
Justin timberlake: no.25 [i thought he would be in top 10!!]
Eric mabius: no.67 [nad!!!]

So guess who is 1st? That enigmatic guy who came in 1st for top 100 is...

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JAKE GYLLENHAAL

HE LOOK SO STUPID AND RETARDED, HE IS A FAR CRY FROM GORGEOUS!!! OMG, CAN ANYBODY GIVE ME A PLAUSIBLE REASON WHY HE CAN EVEN BE TOP 10, LET ALONE NO.1 ?!?!?! LOOK AT HIS HAIR, IT'S LIKE A MESS OF BIRD NEST AND HIS TEETH ARE CROOKED!!! SO UNCLE-ISH...NOT HOT AT ALL OK!?!?!

This is the website, you can go and slowly admire the top100...
http://www.afterelton.com/people/2008/6/hot100?page=0%2C19

WENTWORTH MILLER IS THE BEST!!!

2008-12-05T23:25:00.000-08:00

A sharp edge of chagrin, anger, and anguish slice through me. I am so utterly dejected.

I regret caring too much. I should have turn into a cold, callous creature, cavalier about how you feel. I should just become emotionless, shut this whole cruel world away, to protect myself, in lieu of crying pathetically. Alienation.

Never will i again think so much about you, I shall enjoy myself with my friends, who wants my time more than you. And mind you, i cherished my time a lot, it's very worthy to me.

2008-12-04T03:14:00.000-08:00

My heart ladened with languish. Why, do you always abandon me in the middle of nowhere? While you walk off to your own solitary, i cry silently at how stupid i am, how i let go and slowly trust, then poof, you let me down, once again. Don't you know that i had reserve time for you, to be with you, my precious precious time, that you treat like dirt. No more.

Thank goodness i have others. Or i can really just ram my head against the wall for all that folly.

Tomorrow i shall revel in my much cherished time with my friends, i won't even think about you. Damnit, you make me sick.

Oddly, you are the best and the worst.

Goodbye, for good.

2008-12-03T03:51:00.000-08:00

I AM GETTING FATTER!!!

I eat way too much nowadays. Diet time! I can munch on a packet of lays, and the next hour you find me chewing on strawberry pucca, the next minute, i am licking ice cream off a cone. Argh~

I was pinching my arms just now, a pang of guilt tightened in my chest as i discover those ugly unwanted flabs. Well, thank goodness for the badminton sessions, if not, i would have become a mighty obese stout cow by now.

BUT!!! Playing badminton will only shed off some adipose tissue on my right arm. My left arm will still be pudgy! So, how great, me walking down the streets with unequal sized arms, a not-so-fat one on my right, and a humongous one on my left. I am anticipating peculiar derogatory glances by these strangers.

Yeah, and i would probably say, ' Thank you so much for paying attention to a totally unattractive insane girl who has just got her genes mutated, therefore that explains the uniqueness of why she has got unequal-sized arms. Quit ogling at me now, cos i will take that as you are mildly interested in me. oh, wow but no thanks, i don't particularly go on flippant hook-ups. ' *slams my fist into their air-heads*

I really need to control what i am eating. OK, if anyone has any way to stop me from overeating, feel free to tell me! I need some food-control proposition. Man... i shall have nightmares tonight about me turning into a plump chubby zombie. I hope it's cute, at least that would help to alleviate a tinge of humiliation.

2008-11-27T05:06:00.002-08:00

OH MY GOD!~!

I CANT BELIEVE THIS, BUT MR YAO WROTE BACK TO ME!!!

I AM DELIRIOUS!! I HAVE TO BE THE HAPPIEST AND LUCKIEST GIRL IN THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE AS OF THIS MOMENT, RIGHT AFTER I OPEN MY MAIL BOX AND SAW A 'YAO'.

SO RELIEVED, ESCTATIC, HYPER, HEART-STAMMERING, UNBELIEVABLE, ASTOUNDED ALL AT THE SAME TIME...

AMAZEMENT RENDERED ME SPEECHLESS, I AM UTTERLY DUMBFOUNDED.

The likelihood of him reading the email is extremely remote...And yet, my dream came true, IT REALLY DID!!! Ironically, just a few hours ago, i was contemplating the fact that dreams have the oppose effect on reality. [ I had bad dreams and in the end things turn out well.] My heart raced in paranoia, and constricted with anxiety. Hopelessness pervaded me then, i was outraged at myself for dreaming something so so so good, something i had hoped for with every fiber of my being, and i was so scared that reality perhaps really does have an opposite effect.

A wave of reassurance swept through me now. Blissfulness...

AND YOU KNOW WHAT???

Yes, he confirmed with me that HE IS MARRIED!!! YAY, feel so happy for him...

Thank you mr yao, for not forgetting me, for remembering this crazy, silly, screamy girl who revered you just because you lend me 10 bucks. You are the nicest teacher among the other nice ones i have met and also the nicest, most gentlemanly guy i have ever seen. I will never ever forget you and hope you wont too! Thank you a million times again for replying me, you have no idea how much it meant to me...

2008-11-27T00:26:00.000-08:00

Piqued by the mistrust of momo. Why doesn't she believe me? We always have the same clash over the same issue. Only if she has moreo trust in me. DAMN.

I am buying my freedom at the expense of her doing something bad, but it is not as if i asked her to rob a bank, or murder someone, not anything near diabolical. What does she know huh? She has all the time in her world, to do housechores, to slack at hme. Me? I barely have enough... Maybe being a 24/7 housewife blinded her, now i have to agree with daddy. She doesn't know that people do bad things under unforeseen circumstances. People rob banks to survive. And to thrive in this malevolent world, you gotta do even undesirable stuff to keep you living. Watching prison break has taught me a lot of things. Does she think i enjoy doing all these? Hell, i don't.

So quit judging me, get some reality, momo.

No safe haven exist. The world is full of monsters.

2008-11-25T00:06:00.000-08:00

The apple pie i made for hujin for her birthday[with the help of kind momo]... SO PRETTY RITE!! *beaming proudly*

I like the candle! Makes everything look so lovely!

Guess what this is? Looks like a tri-coloured muffin, but it is actually venezia ice-cream *mouth-watering*

I feel so cheated... I kinda have a tweeny weeny bit of liking for him, just a meagre. But i know he has eyes for someone else, which i didn't really mind, since i was a nobody to him. BUT BUT, i actually mind quite a bit too. Oh man, i will never ever fall in love, i swear, unless i meet someone as good as mr yao...

I am the silliest girl on earth...

2008-11-24T00:22:00.000-08:00

The crazygirl's dream 2:
Her dear mr yao finally replied her email... but before she knew what was written in that email, she woke up, reality before her, wishing that she could be in reverie for just a little longer...

Mr yao has not reply me yet, and i am anticipating his reply with every beat of my heart...

Pls, make the dream come true...

2008-11-22T21:20:00.000-08:00

I have the weirdest dream.

Initially, it was about a chicken. Now, it was about a man. If your brains are screwing, thinking of sleazy things, i advised you not to, because it is not about lewd stuff. Certainly not.

I DREAMT OF THE GUY WHOM I WAS DEEPLY OBSESSED WITH IN THE EARLIER PARTS OF MY LIFE, AND I THINK I MISS HIM TOO MUCH... [ew, i sound so gross.]

Wentworth? Nopes. He is my recent fetish...

So who else was part of my fad?

Fengtianwei? She is a woman. And besides, i had totally put her out of my mind. I considered taking down all the posters of her, replacing those empty walls with lots of wentworth.

Recall: I used to fervently exclaimed, ' I will never get over fengtianwei! She is the mightiest, most wonderful person!!! ' Nad should know this the best.

Well, what a paradox.

And the covert guy is...MY YAO!!!

I dreamt that:
1] I cant openly announce this. Perhaps i will only reveal it to close friends. I have a premonition though, that they would be dumbfounded, and then they will chuckle till their teeth drop off.

2]Mr yao swims so impressively like michael phelps.

3]Mr yao taught me fishing.

4]Mr yao played badminton with me!

There were other unknown characters in my dream, which i cant recall who, but it doesnt matter cos the crux of this whole dream is MR YAO!!!

Probably this is a hint, indicating that i should email him...i never really had the courage to do so. I was so afraid that he wouldn't reply, or he had already forgotten this inane screamy girl, or that he wasn't using that email anymore. I tried adding mr tan boon hai and i speculate that he thinks i am some crazy secret admirer of his[as if! who will admire a scrawny, bunny-faced guy lah?], and that's why he never accept my invitation!!! AAAAARH!!!~~~

BUT!!! I shall gather my wits now, and i made up my mind to write to mryao TODAY. Wish me all luck man. I REALLY HOPE HE WILL REPLY ME!!! *cross-fingers*

2008-11-20T01:16:00.000-08:00

Hellos! It feels weird to start a blog man... As if i have not been in touched with this IT world for eons...

So anyways, my blog will be filled with wentworth and hot american guys! And it make me sounds so guy-fanatic to start my post like that! Hmm, not a good impression i give huh? I definitely can't be a good older sister. Not that i have a younger sis though.

I don't suppose wentworth must be the hottest guy on earth, there are many others whom my friends love. Different people has got different preferences... And i can't deny that they are not handsome because, hey, my friends have good taste too. While i agree that the guys they favour are shuai, i don't particularly fixate on them cos i don't know... I just don't feel attracted to them. Wentworth certainly has got an uncanny ability to allure me!

But for me, i couldn't recall ever seeing anyone other than wentworth that- perfect. He simply melts me into a delightful puddle! I AM WENTWORTH-FETISH!

Which reminds me to the moment when my brother asked me all about the guy i have been fixated on ever since i watched prison break.
Bro: What's his name? My girl-friends said he is botak and cute at the same time.
Me: Yes, i totally agree with your er, girl-friends. His name is wentworth miller, HOW CAN YOU NOT KNOW HIS WONDERFUL NAME???
Bro: Huh? What did you say? Werewolf...?
Me: NONONO!!! How can you even portray him to be a werewolf? He is like an angel, so far away form being a werewolf, and his beautiful name is WENTWORTH. [emphasised] DEFINITELY NOT WEREWOLF! *retorts angrily*

So anyway...
Presenting to you the ATT group hunks...

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wentworth miller-my hunk! luf him!

eric mabius-nad's hunk!
I would say he is the decent kinda shuai... Betty's boss!

justin timberlake-yanlin's hunk!
He looks funny sometimes... I don't understand why so many girls and even guys are obssessed over him. I guessed his songs are quite nice. *it's too late to apologise...*

joseph jonas-mich's hunk!
Hey, i have to agree with you this time that he is pretty cute! He is so like feilunhai...he looks like a taiwanese!

Hahas, AMERICAN GUYS ARE SO HOT!!!

From:	J Hu (hematitecrow@yahoo.com)
Sent:	06 January 2009 21: 22PM
To:	esther - (heavenlysnacks@hotmail.com)